Wednesday, February 28, 2007
To hell with that damned Emotional Intelligence book. You see, the thing about being human is, you've got to learn from experiences. You can't read a book and understand by browsing through and contemplating on the author's words unless you have a clue of what he's really trying to say. And the clue, comes from the situations you've been put into vis-a-vis the subject matter. You can read it to understand why you did what you did, or said what you said when you were in the position described in that book. But you can't understand, never being in that position yourself.
I remember feeling all depressed reading about Dorian Gray and Lord Henry. I KNOW its all fiction but the author had some great insights to love, deceit, warmth, innocence, and cold. His life was by itself, a story of love, deceit, warmth, innocence and cold. Its no wonder his book was so precise. Those are the kind of books worth reading.
On the other hand, those books on spiritual healing, etc. I say, don't trust them unless you have valid evidence that the author has been through what he's preaching about.
Well, of course what I've mentioned above are of my opinion. If you beg to differ, don't let a mere opinion influence you from doing what you, yourself think is right.
In fana's words... "I'm just saying BAHHH...."
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erdi. last confessed at 4:32 AM
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The temptation to grab a book from that shelf is just too great. And no, nothing to do with commerce, trusts, land law or tort. I am deprived of fiction. When fact kills you, indulge in fiction. Ah, all these sounds too familiar. I guess that sentence can apply to life itself. Then again, why would I want to talk about life at 3.55 in the morning?
The sinus is kicking in. My body is warning me that I've gone way past my bedtime. All thanks to the Sale of Goods Act. I propose an open book exam (I know you NUS law students are enjoying that benefit... lucky bastards). Why an open book exam? Why waste time memorising cases and facts when the point is to ARGUE?
Common sense.
Then again, balding white men in robes and wigs would probably have to draft a bill first to define common, and sense.
I am not thinking straight. Blame the sinus.
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Tuesday, February 27, 2007
The temptation to grab a book from that shelf is just too great. And no, nothing to do with commerce, trusts, land law or tort. I am deprived of fiction. When fact kills you, indulge in fiction. Ah, all these sounds too familiar. I guess that sentence can apply to life itself. Then again, why would I want to talk about life at 3.55 in the morning?
The sinus is kicking in. My body is warning me that I've gone way past my bedtime. All thanks to the Sale of Goods Act. I propose an open book exam (I know you NUS law students are enjoying that benefit... lucky bastards). Why an open book exam? Why waste time memorising cases and facts when the point is to ARGUE?
Common sense.
Then again, balding white men in robes and wigs would probably have to draft a bill first to define common, and sense.
I am not thinking straight. Blame the sinus.
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erdi. last confessed at 3:48 AM
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The house is extremely quiet without fana's heavy footsteps and occassional pats (or rather, whacks) on the back at the wrong times (eg. when you're trying to drink). I do miss her, and her neverending questions, in which answers to them won't help in any way. asking, for the sake of asking. the late night card games cease to exist. god knows we even had a deck of cards in the house till she came. and her shameless burps, in which, especially in public, would had you wishing you could dig a hole and bury her, or yourself in it.
I am listening to the antique sounds of Wet Wet Wet, Love Is All Around. Don't ask me why. It just happened to be on my 'ulu' playlist. I must add, however, that Love Actually ruined the song. That old buster replacing the lyrics with 'christmas is all around...'.
Yesterday was a whirlwind of emotions finally resting on my doorstep. I basically spent the day at the indian coffeeshop downstairs. What with my aunt and atul talking about cooking and relationships (you know the conversation will take about 2 whole hours of your time when they hit the abovementioned topics, and well, it did take exactly 2 hours). A huge sigh of relief when I came home, thinking that that was probably enough talktime for me in one day. Lo and behold! My phone number became the hotline for broken relationships. Headed down again and saw a friend pour his heart out while his 4 yr relationship took a heavy beating. Not that it helps when his ex was pouring HER heart out on the phone with me, and especially when the root of all these was sitting just next to me, sipping her damn mineral water, pretending nothing was wrong with tearing a relationship apart.
It especially didn't help when Yy was indulging in a book "Emotional Intelligence". I would've felt comforted if he said "chill, bro. time will heal." you know, speak OUR language. unfortunately, he preferred to quote from his book so it was a mixture of languages last night..
isk: i don't know what the hell i'm doing.
me: you just need to chill first. it takes time but you can't solve it all now. chill bro.
yy: you have to understand that the ratio is 24:1 when it comes to emotional and rational thinking. yada yada.
haha. as much as i hate to admit it, i'm gonna borrow that book from yy when he's done.
have a great weekend.
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Saturday, February 24, 2007
The house is extremely quiet without fana's heavy footsteps and occassional pats (or rather, whacks) on the back at the wrong times (eg. when you're trying to drink). I do miss her, and her neverending questions, in which answers to them won't help in any way. asking, for the sake of asking. the late night card games cease to exist. god knows we even had a deck of cards in the house till she came. and her shameless burps, in which, especially in public, would had you wishing you could dig a hole and bury her, or yourself in it.
I am listening to the antique sounds of Wet Wet Wet, Love Is All Around. Don't ask me why. It just happened to be on my 'ulu' playlist. I must add, however, that Love Actually ruined the song. That old buster replacing the lyrics with 'christmas is all around...'.
Yesterday was a whirlwind of emotions finally resting on my doorstep. I basically spent the day at the indian coffeeshop downstairs. What with my aunt and atul talking about cooking and relationships (you know the conversation will take about 2 whole hours of your time when they hit the abovementioned topics, and well, it did take exactly 2 hours). A huge sigh of relief when I came home, thinking that that was probably enough talktime for me in one day. Lo and behold! My phone number became the hotline for broken relationships. Headed down again and saw a friend pour his heart out while his 4 yr relationship took a heavy beating. Not that it helps when his ex was pouring HER heart out on the phone with me, and especially when the root of all these was sitting just next to me, sipping her damn mineral water, pretending nothing was wrong with tearing a relationship apart.
It especially didn't help when Yy was indulging in a book "Emotional Intelligence". I would've felt comforted if he said "chill, bro. time will heal." you know, speak OUR language. unfortunately, he preferred to quote from his book so it was a mixture of languages last night..
isk: i don't know what the hell i'm doing.
me: you just need to chill first. it takes time but you can't solve it all now. chill bro.
yy: you have to understand that the ratio is 24:1 when it comes to emotional and rational thinking. yada yada.
haha. as much as i hate to admit it, i'm gonna borrow that book from yy when he's done.
have a great weekend.
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erdi. last confessed at 2:34 PM
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The lil monsters, courtesy of atul's 'no-longer-in-existence' digicam.
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Friday, February 23, 2007
The lil monsters, courtesy of atul's 'no-longer-in-existence' digicam.Happy Birthday Brunei! woopeedoo~
So Liverpool kicked Barca's ass in the first leg. Will Barca succeed in defeating Liverpool in Anfield? Doubtful, very doubtful. My condolences to Barca's fans. Imagine soaking in the success of Barca's first goal, only to have their hopes crushed soon after. Blame it on the politics, but a good team doesn't let mere politics come into play, in a game.
:)
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erdi. last confessed at 5:50 PM
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"All of a sudden, I felt a tremendous wave of fear for no reason at all. My heart was pounding, my chest hurt, and it was getting harder to breathe. I thought I was going to die."
"I'm so afraid. Every time I start to go out, I get that awful feeling in the pit of my stomach and I'm terrified that another panic attack is coming."
Racing or pounding heartbeat
Chest pains
Dizziness, lightheadedness, nausea
Difficulty breathing
Tingling or numbness in the hands
Flushes or chills
Dreamlike sensations or perceptual distortions
Terror - a sense that something unimaginably horrible is about to occur and one is powerless to prevent it
Fear of losing control and doing something embarrassing
Fear of dying
A panic attack typically lasts for several minutes and is one of the most distressing conditions that a person can experience. Most who have one attack will have others. When someone has repeated attacks, or feels severe anxiety about having another attack, he or she is said to have panic disorder.
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Wednesday, February 21, 2007
"All of a sudden, I felt a tremendous wave of fear for no reason at all. My heart was pounding, my chest hurt, and it was getting harder to breathe. I thought I was going to die.""I'm so afraid. Every time I start to go out, I get that awful feeling in the pit of my stomach and I'm terrified that another panic attack is coming."
As described above, the symptoms of a panic attack appear suddenly, without any apparent cause. They may include:
Racing or pounding heartbeat
Chest pains
Dizziness, lightheadedness, nausea
Difficulty breathing
Tingling or numbness in the hands
Flushes or chills
Dreamlike sensations or perceptual distortions
Terror - a sense that something unimaginably horrible is about to occur and one is powerless to prevent it
Fear of losing control and doing something embarrassing
Fear of dying
A panic attack typically lasts for several minutes and is one of the most distressing conditions that a person can experience. Most who have one attack will have others. When someone has repeated attacks, or feels severe anxiety about having another attack, he or she is said to have panic disorder.
According to one theory of panic disorder, the body's normal "alarm system," the set of mental and physical mechanisms that allows a person to respond to a threat, tends to be triggered unnecessarily, when there is no danger. Scientists don't know exactly why this happens, or why some people are more susceptible to the problem than others. Panic disorder has been found to run in families, and this may mean that inheritance (genes) plays a strong role in determining who will get it. However, many people who have no family history of the disorder develop it. Often, the first attacks are triggered by physical illnesses, a major life stress, or perhaps medications that increase activity in the part of the brain involved in fear reactions.
I need help.
stop the time
the ticking of the clock
my heart is pounding
fast
and it hurts
kill me
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erdi. last confessed at 9:18 PM
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Tuesday, February 20, 2007
I'm looking at you through the glass,
don't know how much time has passed
Oh God it feels like forever, but no one ever tells you that
Forever feels like home, sitting all alone inside your head...
How do you feel? That is the question...
But I forget you don't expect an easy answer
When something like a soul becomes initialized and folded up like
Paper dolls and little notes, you can't expect a bit of hope
And while you're outside looking in, describing what you see
Remember what you're staring at is me
Stone Sour, "Through the Glass".
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erdi. last confessed at 11:35 PM
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Monday, February 19, 2007
People grow, and no, it doesn't necessarily mean to grow in a wiser manner. Grow to be more aware, and to fear more, grow to be sceptical to certain issues. We don't want to see the ugly shades of the world, we all want to see only the rich blue, and the healthy green. In time, we can't avoid the dark lanes of homeless people, torn shelters, morbid music, disrespect, adultery, pot, cults, etc. Once we've seen it, we turn into wrecks, paranoid that the ones we love would/could be a member of that darker society, breeding evil when you least expected it.
Yy and I were on the topic of being in a relationship when your halves don't understand the kind of relationship you have with certain people, thus putting them in a little box labelled "Possibly more than friends. Yikes!". Its not uncommon, therefore, no blame appointed. What people could do, however, is to explain the nature of that doubtful (in your halves' perception) relationship.
Don't, and you have your gfs pulling you by the ear when you give a goodnight hug to your fellow groupie who happens to be of an opposite sex, or your bfs pondering at 6am if you've been more than friends with anyone of them, etc.
So, around this time last year, I got back in touch with Josh (whom I met in chinabar thru John) who got close to Yy around the time we lost contact. Yy and Josh were colleagues and at that point in time when both were single, they decided to mingle together and in the process, met quite a number of weird babes. I knew Tino since the time i got to know Josh. Josh was infatuated (or so I thought) with a friend of mine, so that friend would drag me along when she was meeting Josh and he would drag Tino with him. Karen was a close friend of J and T, so I saw her from time to time. Iskandar, also a friend through J, was a 'bump-into' at Momo. Gerri was a classmate of mine back in SIC and we invited her for outings as well.
Not that the above description would help in suggesting the kind of bond we all have. T, K and G were at their high points in life, stabling their careers, or maintaining their stable careers or in simple terms, dealing with their own shyt which happens to be time consuming, therefore, only joining us on scheduled outings and not a spontaneous "hey! we're in town, wanna join?". Isk worked long hours and John was on a totally different timezone since our mornings were his nights.
Often, it was J, Yy and I. With J, meeting all the wrong people, it wasn't unusual for Yy and I to be stranded along a quiet road at 4am with some unworthy girl crying all over J's shoulders expressing her undying love for him IF she had not already committed herself to 3 other different men. All that drama aside, we all hung out from a single friday every week, to everyday, every week.
From late nights at rouge, we ventured to deserted spots in singapore and explored the unexplored. We were all quite inseparable and we all were updated with each other's lives, or so we thought. Still, we were there without the realisation that we all actually 'needed' each other's companies.
Soon, everyone else got themselves attached. Yy and I became the only single ones in that 'once-huge' group. Of course, when any of them got into problems with their halves, then only would Yy and I receive a "yea, i guess town sounds good" from them, which is sad, then again, we gave them our unconditional love, so no complains.
Road trips, backpacking trips, mama dramas, zoo trips, you name it. We've all done that.
I just realised I can't really explain the kind of bond we all have. Simply put, we all enjoy each other, even without having to start a conversation. Therefore, since the 'fridays' seem to be drifting apart, and god knows who brings a new gf/bf the next time we all meet, I suggest this post as a reference to all newbies before another catfight.
And for the record, none of us were ever more than friends with each other in that group.
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erdi. last confessed at 11:53 PM
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Sunday, February 18, 2007
Happy Chinese New Year.
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erdi. last confessed at 3:08 PM
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The 'Man' makes it hard. The rich gets richer. The poor gets poorer. The Law is possibly the most obvious example. When you can't fork out green notes, you close the case. When you can, you continue pressing till you've won. Legal Aid? Thats the biggest joke. You're charged for murder. And you knock on L.A's door and hope for some lawyer to have a half hour slot in his organiser?
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The 'Man' makes it hard. The rich gets richer. The poor gets poorer. The Law is possibly the most obvious example. When you can't fork out green notes, you close the case. When you can, you continue pressing till you've won. Legal Aid? Thats the biggest joke. You're charged for murder. And you knock on L.A's door and hope for some lawyer to have a half hour slot in his organiser? However, sometimes we forget that we ALL have a part to play in the creation of the Man. We are the "Man". We lash out at the Man because we can't lash out at anything/anyone else for that matter. We believe in an invisible force that shoves us to our downfalls. That invisible force, being the Man.
Religion probably exists as a form of one of the invisible forces. I do believe in my religion, and I do respect your religion too. But could it be possible that since we can't turn to anything/anyone, we put all our hopes in that other invisible force, religion. We close our eyes, bend down on our knees till they're sore, we hope and pray and believe in some other invisible force that could pull us out from that damned pit. And when our prayers are answered, we thank God.
Pure coincidence? True existence? Or common sense. We slow down, had time to THINK while in that peaceful state, we refrain from acting in a harsh manner, we do whats right in a stable state of mind. BAM, there goes your positive product.
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erdi. last confessed at 2:41 AM
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you drew what you wanted
it was beautiful
until you painted it on me
back and forth
away and into
my realm of dreams
still
your words grazed me
your indignant words
i will be
yours
your ragged doll
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Saturday, February 17, 2007
you drew what you wanted
it was beautiful
until you painted it on me
back and forth
away and into
my realm of dreams
still
your words grazed me
your indignant words
i will be
yours
your ragged doll
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erdi. last confessed at 3:17 PM
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So they ask you if the reason you agreed to be theirs was because you were lonely. No, you say. Of course not. Instead, you feel even more lonely when you land yourself in a relationship. Problems with a friend is easily solved. Talk to other friends. They don't have to put themselves in friend A's position, because they are in the same position, thus, an honest, understandable opinion from friend B about friend A's position.
Argue with Lover A about something. There are no Lover Bs or Cs to tell you their opinions. The question, the formula, and the result all relies on that one person, and that person alone.
What I learnt through the numerous encounters with a close friend, or someone more than a friend, is, you've got to be strong, or at least pretend. So when they tell you something you don't want to hear, just hear it and NEVER once let out an inkling of the fact that you despise that certain subject matter.
Because, they will use it against you to intentionally hurt you when they find out what ticks you off.
Then again, real friends, or real lovers would never stab you on your weakest spot.
So, they tell you to apologise, for the sake of apologising. When you don't, they say its pride. Now you sit and wonder if all their apologies in the past were just a getaway flight from getting involved in more issues. Don't apologise if you don't want to. Don't apologise if its only for the sake of making the other party satisfied.
I am not drowning in my pool of pride. I just haven't found a valid reason for apologising. So you say it hurts, but I don't believe what I did actually hurts you, or if your own paranoid thoughts did all the hurting yourself. Be patient, and reasonable. I will apologise, on my own account. Not because you tell me to.
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Friday, February 16, 2007
So they ask you if the reason you agreed to be theirs was because you were lonely. No, you say. Of course not. Instead, you feel even more lonely when you land yourself in a relationship. Problems with a friend is easily solved. Talk to other friends. They don't have to put themselves in friend A's position, because they are in the same position, thus, an honest, understandable opinion from friend B about friend A's position.
Argue with Lover A about something. There are no Lover Bs or Cs to tell you their opinions. The question, the formula, and the result all relies on that one person, and that person alone.
What I learnt through the numerous encounters with a close friend, or someone more than a friend, is, you've got to be strong, or at least pretend. So when they tell you something you don't want to hear, just hear it and NEVER once let out an inkling of the fact that you despise that certain subject matter.
Because, they will use it against you to intentionally hurt you when they find out what ticks you off.
Then again, real friends, or real lovers would never stab you on your weakest spot.
So, they tell you to apologise, for the sake of apologising. When you don't, they say its pride. Now you sit and wonder if all their apologies in the past were just a getaway flight from getting involved in more issues. Don't apologise if you don't want to. Don't apologise if its only for the sake of making the other party satisfied.
I am not drowning in my pool of pride. I just haven't found a valid reason for apologising. So you say it hurts, but I don't believe what I did actually hurts you, or if your own paranoid thoughts did all the hurting yourself. Be patient, and reasonable. I will apologise, on my own account. Not because you tell me to.
1 comments
erdi. last confessed at 11:12 PM
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How I wish you were here
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How I wish you were hereWe're just two (three) lost souls swimming in a fish bowl
Year after year
Running over the same old ground
What have we found
The same old fears
Wish you were here -Pink Floyd
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erdi. last confessed at 12:26 AM
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When people decide to leave, and by a twist of fate, they turn up on your doorstep, you just HAVE to reconsider your options. Thats how selfish some can be, disappearing, and appearing again without considering the fact that the very person they disappeared from would have found a different form of peace.
So, think twice before appearing again.
and don't tell me you're not the least bit confused about your options now . i am almost certain you are.
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Thursday, February 15, 2007
When people decide to leave, and by a twist of fate, they turn up on your doorstep, you just HAVE to reconsider your options. Thats how selfish some can be, disappearing, and appearing again without considering the fact that the very person they disappeared from would have found a different form of peace.
So, think twice before appearing again.
and don't tell me you're not the least bit confused about your options now . i am almost certain you are.
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erdi. last confessed at 12:56 AM
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Wednesday, February 14, 2007
designer love and empty things?
the day to flaunt all of the above, vals day.
i don't need to send roses to show i love the people i love.
its written everywhere.
happy vals day.
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erdi. last confessed at 12:18 PM
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Saturday, February 10, 2007
masks. that little white lie. things we choose to hide that little dark side. a defense mechanism? so, they see what they want to see. the things that might change their perception, they throw it out. and you, you discard it completely. make sure there are no traces to what they don't want to see, to what you prefer not to be seen.
so they tell you you're nice. what do you do? turn into a heartless fiend the next minute to prove them wrong, and to imply you're not very nice after all? no, you stay nice for the time being. you're only natural around the people you love, and they say you're nice, so there must be a little nice side of you they like to see, the nice side you like to show.
and when the day turns cold, and suddenly, you let out a little of the other side of you, they say you hide behind a mask, a 'nice' mask.
that shouldn't change you. it'd hurt you, but it shouldn't change you.
they think, once there's a negative side to you, once you stop smiling for a minute, you're not who they thought you were, and that makes you a fake. if that made sense, then only people high on prozac would be labelled the creme de la creme.
did they think for a second, that you prefer to be what they see, because you're fighting that monster of despair? that hideous black cloud hovering over you... and the ones you love are the sunshine that keeps you alive. they bring out the best in you, and you want to be the best to run far from that cloud. so, is being the best they want you to be, a whole different side of you? yes, its still you.. don't let them turn around and say that the best you became wasn't you to begin with cos its fake, cos all you were from the beginning was a victim of that monster.
there's a positive and a negative to everything. that keeps the balance. go to a psych ward, the unfortunate ones there are either too happy, or too depressed. unbalanced.
you and i, we're only human. we want to be better people. but we can't because they choose to label us by how they prefer to see us. and when that expectation of theirs aren't lived up to, they say we hide behind a mask.
we're only human. i will continue smiling, and you should know my world is not all pretty, and i don't wake up every morning thanking God for all the flowers blooming in the garden. i'm just smiling to keep me happy, to keep you happy.
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erdi. last confessed at 2:51 PM
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'move, bitch', is the new 'excuse me'
i don't understand the deal with people nowadays. hey, we have days where we walk a little slower, so to bring me an awareness of your existence, a simple Excuse Me would be just fine, thanks.
instead, they walk behind you and creep up close to you and try to squeeze their way to get in front.
and when they can't, they get all pissy and push you aside with a rude remark, eg. "haiyaaa... some people ah".
the aliens around the area i stay are pissing me off, big time.
whats with the staring. and it seems to me, Courtesy isn't in their dictionaries. the 2 chinese pimps and their alien whores just can't wait for people to get out of the lift before rushing in as if they'd die if they don't get in Pronto!
which reminds me.
all these aliens, the 'spitting on the sidewalks', and the 'talk cos the world can't hear you' , and not forgetting the 'bell bottoms are still in. and who cares cos my job means taking them off' aliens seem to be getting comfy in residential areas. seems to me they don't have problems getting a whole unit from HDB.
and to think mom and i can't get a place cos we don't have a 'full family nucleus'.. which is ridiculous because we pay tax, contribute to cpf, and vote during an election.
whats up with kiasuland.
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Friday, February 09, 2007
'move, bitch', is the new 'excuse me'
i don't understand the deal with people nowadays. hey, we have days where we walk a little slower, so to bring me an awareness of your existence, a simple Excuse Me would be just fine, thanks.
instead, they walk behind you and creep up close to you and try to squeeze their way to get in front.
and when they can't, they get all pissy and push you aside with a rude remark, eg. "haiyaaa... some people ah".
the aliens around the area i stay are pissing me off, big time.
whats with the staring. and it seems to me, Courtesy isn't in their dictionaries. the 2 chinese pimps and their alien whores just can't wait for people to get out of the lift before rushing in as if they'd die if they don't get in Pronto!
which reminds me.
all these aliens, the 'spitting on the sidewalks', and the 'talk cos the world can't hear you' , and not forgetting the 'bell bottoms are still in. and who cares cos my job means taking them off' aliens seem to be getting comfy in residential areas. seems to me they don't have problems getting a whole unit from HDB.
and to think mom and i can't get a place cos we don't have a 'full family nucleus'.. which is ridiculous because we pay tax, contribute to cpf, and vote during an election.
whats up with kiasuland.
0 comments
erdi. last confessed at 12:55 AM
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i'm talking to all the wrong people,
trying to get to you,
can you hear me?
you say it feels like a dream,
remember i'm real,
i'm human too
it fades when i'm with you
when i'm not
who am i to you?
it seems to me
i only exist
when you want me to
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Wednesday, February 07, 2007
i'm talking to all the wrong people,
trying to get to you,
can you hear me?
you say it feels like a dream,
remember i'm real,
i'm human too
it fades when i'm with you
when i'm not
who am i to you?
it seems to me
i only exist
when you want me to
1 comments
erdi. last confessed at 12:16 AM
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and i don't want the world to see me,
cos i don't think that they'd understand,
when everything's meant to be broken,
i just want you to know who i am... -Iris
I am Erdiana. Pessimistic. Thats my middle name. I am the girl next door, smiling to my neighbours. When i enter the room, i am a depressive, paranoid freak. When I'm asleep, I'm still constantly thinking and thats what made me. Thoughts, in my shoes, in everyone else's shoes. I have an attention deficit disorder. My mind wanders. I am a naturally happy person, but I can't be too happy when I think of the people who are suffering to keep me happy. Get? I can come up with lame jokes, and make you laugh, to keep me from feeling depressed for no particular reason. I try to make new friends everyday so it distracts me from my own problems. I don't like to be asked about my problems. I just come up with morbid poetry and indirectly express it. Thats what keeps me sane. So when you see a morbid poetry, you know that colder side of me is emerging, so don't ask. Just being there helps.
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Tuesday, February 06, 2007
and i don't want the world to see me,
cos i don't think that they'd understand,
when everything's meant to be broken,
i just want you to know who i am... -Iris
I am Erdiana. Pessimistic. Thats my middle name. I am the girl next door, smiling to my neighbours. When i enter the room, i am a depressive, paranoid freak. When I'm asleep, I'm still constantly thinking and thats what made me. Thoughts, in my shoes, in everyone else's shoes. I have an attention deficit disorder. My mind wanders. I am a naturally happy person, but I can't be too happy when I think of the people who are suffering to keep me happy. Get? I can come up with lame jokes, and make you laugh, to keep me from feeling depressed for no particular reason. I try to make new friends everyday so it distracts me from my own problems. I don't like to be asked about my problems. I just come up with morbid poetry and indirectly express it. Thats what keeps me sane. So when you see a morbid poetry, you know that colder side of me is emerging, so don't ask. Just being there helps.
0 comments
erdi. last confessed at 1:53 PM
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the spirit of raya part I
the spirit of raya part II
the spirit of raya part III
how romantic! part I
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Monday, February 05, 2007
I feel like putting up pics today! i know raya was like 4 months ago, but yea, a mixture of pics taken over the past few months.
the spirit of raya part Ithe spirit of raya part IIthe spirit of raya part IIIhow romantic! part I how romantic! part II
the ignorant, and the intimidating (i'd give up the world for these two)
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erdi. last confessed at 3:24 PM
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be yourself, don't be me
you're perfect in your own way
i am truly sick of people who imitate the way i talk, dress, behave.. etc. hey, i'm no idol. i have my flaws, my bad hair days, my bloated days etc. am i supposed to be honoured to have you imitate me.
and its gets worse.
i especially hate it when you roll your eyes at what i am, implying 'w t h are you doing?' and then you turn around behind my back and make it your own.
and no, thats not the end.
why do you assume that everyone listens to me, and not you? i believe you have your own rights, and as much as i despise the way you despise me, i am reminding you that you do have your own say. why must your whole life be a comparison to mine? you're not getting any further hating the fact that there are some things i am entitled to that you're not. hey, there are some things you're entitled to that i'm not as well.
in the wise words of britney spears (double yikes), Why don't you do something?
__________
be yourself, don't be me
you're perfect in your own way
i am truly sick of people who imitate the way i talk, dress, behave.. etc. hey, i'm no idol. i have my flaws, my bad hair days, my bloated days etc. am i supposed to be honoured to have you imitate me.
and its gets worse.
i especially hate it when you roll your eyes at what i am, implying 'w t h are you doing?' and then you turn around behind my back and make it your own.
and no, thats not the end.
why do you assume that everyone listens to me, and not you? i believe you have your own rights, and as much as i despise the way you despise me, i am reminding you that you do have your own say. why must your whole life be a comparison to mine? you're not getting any further hating the fact that there are some things i am entitled to that you're not. hey, there are some things you're entitled to that i'm not as well.
in the wise words of britney spears (double yikes), Why don't you do something?
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erdi. last confessed at 1:07 AM
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heaven has been away too long,
can't find the words to write this song.. -corinne bailey rae "like a star"
i think people in love are degraded to being boring people. especially when they post an entry of the person they love. what else can you say when you're too happy? how can you say it without being all mushy in a way singles would roll their eyes at you and make you feel all alone in that little happy world of yours?
i have a terrible habit of being speechless when it comes to expressing my undying love for the people i want to express it too. call it tough love. (how many times did i say the L word already? somebody shoot me)
anyway, updates on my sq interview. i've made it to the final one. 7th feb.. i know i can't really run away from what i want to if i start flying. then again, i'm physically away half the time so it helps pull me away from getting involved in something i wasn't part of from the beginning anyway.
liverpool.. don't even get me started on last night's game. (i know you're laughing, uncle jo.... i have eyes in brunei)
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Sunday, February 04, 2007
heaven has been away too long,
can't find the words to write this song.. -corinne bailey rae "like a star"
i think people in love are degraded to being boring people. especially when they post an entry of the person they love. what else can you say when you're too happy? how can you say it without being all mushy in a way singles would roll their eyes at you and make you feel all alone in that little happy world of yours?
i have a terrible habit of being speechless when it comes to expressing my undying love for the people i want to express it too. call it tough love. (how many times did i say the L word already? somebody shoot me)
anyway, updates on my sq interview. i've made it to the final one. 7th feb.. i know i can't really run away from what i want to if i start flying. then again, i'm physically away half the time so it helps pull me away from getting involved in something i wasn't part of from the beginning anyway.
liverpool.. don't even get me started on last night's game. (i know you're laughing, uncle jo.... i have eyes in brunei)
0 comments
erdi. last confessed at 2:09 PM
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my world, now, revolves around yours. don't doubt it.
on that rooftop garden, i flipped through Penner and smiled at his hidden humour. "Only a mad trustee would risk running a business".
i don't know what else to say, considering the fact i just posted an entry a few minutes ago.
pride can stand a thousand trials. the strong will never fall. but watching stars without you... my soul cries.
²ч
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Saturday, February 03, 2007
my world, now, revolves around yours. don't doubt it.
on that rooftop garden, i flipped through Penner and smiled at his hidden humour. "Only a mad trustee would risk running a business".
i don't know what else to say, considering the fact i just posted an entry a few minutes ago.
pride can stand a thousand trials. the strong will never fall. but watching stars without you... my soul cries.
²ч
0 comments
erdi. last confessed at 2:07 AM
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sophia found a diskette (yes, a diskette) of old pics back in the sas days. i'm glad she did.
genuine smiles, not a mere portrait of what we want people to see.