Thursday, April 27, 2006
since i've been indoors in the daytime, for what seems like ages now, i've been re-reading my old novels, and i've just finished 'the five people you meet in heaven' for the 7th time. could use a couple of new books from borders, but i shan't distract myself. my exams are in a little more than 3 weeks time.
my daily routine is as such: i wake up around 12 pm. freshen up. laze around in the living room, with a textbook in one hand, and a storybook in the other. when the fridays finish work, i'd join them for coffee (or in my case, coke) at the coffeeshop downstairs. its funny, i still refer to the guys as the fridays. for the sake of enlightening my dear readers (who fail to leave comments, but i wont blame anyone, for my posts are clearly bland, and theres nothing to comment about, or maybe, no one reads it anyway), i used to hang out with them every friday, but you could say we're all kind of addicted to each other, and from a single friday, it became every weekend, and now, its almost everyday.
3 weeks to my exams. 6 weeks to a holiday. and 9 weeks to the start of my career. i'm starting to feel the adrenaline. but then again, the waiting game is getting on my nerves. if i could, i would order Time to go slower until my exams and holidays are over. then i'd order it to go faster so i can start on my career and earn my own money.
gerri was typing some love poem someone sent to her. and i felt sick. i told her (sorry if i was rude darls) to stop. and mentioned that i'm not a big fan of sappy love poems. i think they're a little too common, no? why write about something you're not even sure about. thats why, people tend to assume. for example, if i told a group of people, that a good holiday means, that you come back with a good tan and a lot of pictures. then the onus will be on them, thinking that with a good tan and lots of pictures, they'd have had a good holiday. but what if they did enjoy themselves, but had no tan nor pictures, you get the point...
'People say they "find" love , as if it were an object hidden by a rock. But love takes many forms, and it is never the same for any man and woman. What people find then is a "certain" love.' -Mitch Albom
i think that Mitch Albom put it in the best way possible, that its different for everyone. that you can't think that just because you feel butterflies in your tummy, that you think it could be love. thats the thing with romantic movies and novels nowadays. these writers, their imagination flowing wildly, can think of such romantic, and sad stories. that once you've seen them, you start living in that fairytale, wondering when prince charming would ever ride gallantly on that horse, and pick you up with one arm. and when love is present in your life, you think its never enough, for its either not as sweet, or not as deep as what you see or read.
there's a reason why they call it fiction.
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erdi. last confessed at 1:45 PM
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fear of not being scared.
i had a huge argument today, with a bastard of an uncle. and i realised i've lost all fear of 'fearing' him. i didn't tremble as i used to when i shouted at him.. and that scared me.
when i feared before, i still felt human. but today, there was no fear at all, as if i'm capable of doing anything. and thats when i realised i've turned into that cold, ugly monster no one wants to be. you just know you've turned ugly when you have no fear left.
i guess halloween came early for me this year. kudos!!!!
blah.
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Tuesday, April 25, 2006
fear of not being scared.
i had a huge argument today, with a bastard of an uncle. and i realised i've lost all fear of 'fearing' him. i didn't tremble as i used to when i shouted at him.. and that scared me.
when i feared before, i still felt human. but today, there was no fear at all, as if i'm capable of doing anything. and thats when i realised i've turned into that cold, ugly monster no one wants to be. you just know you've turned ugly when you have no fear left.
i guess halloween came early for me this year. kudos!!!!
blah.
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erdi. last confessed at 12:44 AM
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john used to sing me a song by matchbox twenty, called 'hand me down', and as my life has been a total bore for the past week (except for when i'm out with the guys in between 9pm to 2am), i started to listen to the song over and over again, as i used to back then. and i find a lot of meaning in the verses.
Someday they'll find your small town world on a big town avenue
Gonna make you like the way they talk when they're talking to you
Gonna make you break out of the shell cause they tell you to
Gonna make you like the way they lie better than the truth
They'll tell you everything you wanted someone else to say,
They're gonna break your heart.
From what I've seen
You're just a one more hand me down
Cause no one's tried to give you what you need
So lay all your troubles down
I am with you now
Somebody ought to take you in
Try to make you love again
Try to make you like the way they feel
When they're under your skin
Never once did think they'd lie when they're holding you
You wonder why they haven't called
When they said they'd call you
You start to wonder if you're ever gonna make it by
You'll start to think you were born blind -matchbox 20, Hand Me Down.
i was singing a song i wrote (with awful guitar playing..) to a friend over the phone the other night.
'seventeen i was young, dreaming of years to come... sleepless nights of adrenaline, running through my veins. now i'm 21, fear is on my mind.. love i pushed aside, life i can't decide...'
and right there, he interrupted me. he said, 'wait! ur pushing love aside?' thats when he reminded me of the times when Hand Me Down, among thousands of other songs that John could have dedicated to me, used to be on my playlist. and then, that dear friend of mine sang part of the song.. 'somebody ought to take you in, try to make you love again'.
i'd rather not explain the rest of the things i started arguing with him about. simply put, i ended my argument with, Why rush into a relationship when we have so much ahead of us? its pathetic, these younger generation. they think that its a trend, to have someone holding them, passionately.. then one day they wake up to find they're pregnant after having sex, or rather, they call it, 'making love'. its the bloody same thing. then after suffering for 9 months, they think, 'i should have just made money before all these happened. why? why? why?' and then, they'd make sure their parents look after their kids for them, while they work at night, in places where temptation is at large, then they try to make money, but realise that its just not enough. then they'd start meeting new 'eligible lovers' and make more children. one BIG happy family. 6 children, 6 different fathers, 27 step-children, etc etc.
okay okay, i'll stop.
happy fucking.
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Monday, April 24, 2006
john used to sing me a song by matchbox twenty, called 'hand me down', and as my life has been a total bore for the past week (except for when i'm out with the guys in between 9pm to 2am), i started to listen to the song over and over again, as i used to back then. and i find a lot of meaning in the verses.
Someday they'll find your small town world on a big town avenue
Gonna make you like the way they talk when they're talking to you
Gonna make you break out of the shell cause they tell you to
Gonna make you like the way they lie better than the truth
They'll tell you everything you wanted someone else to say,
They're gonna break your heart.
From what I've seen
You're just a one more hand me down
Cause no one's tried to give you what you need
So lay all your troubles down
I am with you now
Somebody ought to take you in
Try to make you love again
Try to make you like the way they feel
When they're under your skin
Never once did think they'd lie when they're holding you
You wonder why they haven't called
When they said they'd call you
You start to wonder if you're ever gonna make it by
You'll start to think you were born blind -matchbox 20, Hand Me Down.
i was singing a song i wrote (with awful guitar playing..) to a friend over the phone the other night.
'seventeen i was young, dreaming of years to come... sleepless nights of adrenaline, running through my veins. now i'm 21, fear is on my mind.. love i pushed aside, life i can't decide...'
and right there, he interrupted me. he said, 'wait! ur pushing love aside?' thats when he reminded me of the times when Hand Me Down, among thousands of other songs that John could have dedicated to me, used to be on my playlist. and then, that dear friend of mine sang part of the song.. 'somebody ought to take you in, try to make you love again'.
i'd rather not explain the rest of the things i started arguing with him about. simply put, i ended my argument with, Why rush into a relationship when we have so much ahead of us? its pathetic, these younger generation. they think that its a trend, to have someone holding them, passionately.. then one day they wake up to find they're pregnant after having sex, or rather, they call it, 'making love'. its the bloody same thing. then after suffering for 9 months, they think, 'i should have just made money before all these happened. why? why? why?' and then, they'd make sure their parents look after their kids for them, while they work at night, in places where temptation is at large, then they try to make money, but realise that its just not enough. then they'd start meeting new 'eligible lovers' and make more children. one BIG happy family. 6 children, 6 different fathers, 27 step-children, etc etc.
okay okay, i'll stop.
happy fucking.
0 comments
erdi. last confessed at 2:00 AM
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so who would you like to be today?
its the new identity of who you are. you try to make yourself interesting by making up fictional stories of whats been happening in your life. in the process, you get caught up. and then you ask yourself, 'who am i, really?'
or you don't. you don't even realise you've gotten to the point where people, including the closest of your friends ask you, 'who are you, really?'
its better to take the mask off. you tell people to be themselves. such contradiction, coz the person who should be taking that advice is you.
whats your essence? whats your truth?
thats all i'm interested in.
__________
Sunday, April 23, 2006
so who would you like to be today?
its the new identity of who you are. you try to make yourself interesting by making up fictional stories of whats been happening in your life. in the process, you get caught up. and then you ask yourself, 'who am i, really?'
or you don't. you don't even realise you've gotten to the point where people, including the closest of your friends ask you, 'who are you, really?'
its better to take the mask off. you tell people to be themselves. such contradiction, coz the person who should be taking that advice is you.
whats your essence? whats your truth?
thats all i'm interested in.
0 comments
erdi. last confessed at 8:39 PM
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over the past few months, i've been hearing complaints and sceptical remarks about the payouts, that i unfortunately wont be receiving since i'm not 21..yet. remarks include:
'aiyaa.. the only reason why they're giving payouts is because of the election lorrr'
'money can buy support mah... so their actions are pretty obvious lor'
and so on.
i'm starting to think that some, or most singaporeans are not appreciative. if you get the money, you get the money. just shut the hell up about it. if you don't receive money, you complain. when you do, you complain. at the end of the day, it is still your damn choice who you want to vote on. so, just take the money, and prepare for the great singapore sales.
i guess the ones who complain are those who haven't really gone to other countries (not including holidays). i've never been that much of a proponent of the singapore government. and i must admit, i still am not. but i'm beginning to see their strength and motivation especially over the past month.
but i'm still pretty upset about the recent things that have been happening between my uncle, my neighbours and the town council. i wrote a letter to the straits times to question the town council. but as expected, they'd rather post up letters on the election, so i'll continue bombarding the press with my letters until it shows. i'll copy the email i sent to straits times:
[I live in a HDB flat, and having close neighbours have never been an issue. Until they drilled a hook outside their unit and fixed a punching bag. I would like to question the departments involved, namely the Town Council on the abovementioned matter.
The first time we filed a complaint letter to the Town Council, we complained mainly of the noise. The Town Council then sent a letter to the neighbours, on 7th March, stating that the neighbours remove the hook by 15 March. Surprisingly, their letter did not state anything about us complaining of the noise. Instead, it was drafted that the hook has caused great inconvenience to the neighbours 'passing by'. How could their hanging of the punching bag cause inconvenience to the neighbours passing by, when they live at the corner of the corridor? We said noise, not blockage. If simple terms can lead to confusion, then I am at a total lost of words of what to say or do.
I called the Senior Property Manager of the Town Council that was in charge and asked him to answer my questions. The first question I asked was, if it was allowed to have a hole drilled on the ceiling of the corridor. He said, 'Strictly speaking, it is not allowed unless they have approval from the Town Council'. The second question I asked was, if the Town Council had approved of the neighbour's act of drilling the hole and fixing a punching bag. He said that the Town Council did not, at any time approve of it.
So, what is the problem? If it is not allowed, its just not allowed. There was no approval, therefore, as a department citizens turn to, the Town Council should be taking effective measures. And not redirecting the case to the Mediation Centre to come up with a compromise between neighbours. I find it rather absurd. Singapore has so many sports facilities. Whats the point of building these facilities if people prefer to punch bags right at their corridors?
The neighbours came up, with an even more absurd explanation when asked why they refuse to fix the punching bags inside their unit. They said that by doing so, the noise would disturb the neighbours on the upper and lower levels. So, are we any different? We are their neighbours too. And they know it is disturbing, yet they carry on without any consideration of others.
To me, all these seem like a case of washing their hands off any disputes and therefore, pushing us from one department to another just to rid them of extra work.]
this is just the beginning. the war has begun. hehe. oh well, i'll just be patient about it, for the time being.
__________
Saturday, April 22, 2006
over the past few months, i've been hearing complaints and sceptical remarks about the payouts, that i unfortunately wont be receiving since i'm not 21..yet. remarks include:
'aiyaa.. the only reason why they're giving payouts is because of the election lorrr'
'money can buy support mah... so their actions are pretty obvious lor'
and so on.
i'm starting to think that some, or most singaporeans are not appreciative. if you get the money, you get the money. just shut the hell up about it. if you don't receive money, you complain. when you do, you complain. at the end of the day, it is still your damn choice who you want to vote on. so, just take the money, and prepare for the great singapore sales.
i guess the ones who complain are those who haven't really gone to other countries (not including holidays). i've never been that much of a proponent of the singapore government. and i must admit, i still am not. but i'm beginning to see their strength and motivation especially over the past month.
but i'm still pretty upset about the recent things that have been happening between my uncle, my neighbours and the town council. i wrote a letter to the straits times to question the town council. but as expected, they'd rather post up letters on the election, so i'll continue bombarding the press with my letters until it shows. i'll copy the email i sent to straits times:
[I live in a HDB flat, and having close neighbours have never been an issue. Until they drilled a hook outside their unit and fixed a punching bag. I would like to question the departments involved, namely the Town Council on the abovementioned matter.
The first time we filed a complaint letter to the Town Council, we complained mainly of the noise. The Town Council then sent a letter to the neighbours, on 7th March, stating that the neighbours remove the hook by 15 March. Surprisingly, their letter did not state anything about us complaining of the noise. Instead, it was drafted that the hook has caused great inconvenience to the neighbours 'passing by'. How could their hanging of the punching bag cause inconvenience to the neighbours passing by, when they live at the corner of the corridor? We said noise, not blockage. If simple terms can lead to confusion, then I am at a total lost of words of what to say or do.
I called the Senior Property Manager of the Town Council that was in charge and asked him to answer my questions. The first question I asked was, if it was allowed to have a hole drilled on the ceiling of the corridor. He said, 'Strictly speaking, it is not allowed unless they have approval from the Town Council'. The second question I asked was, if the Town Council had approved of the neighbour's act of drilling the hole and fixing a punching bag. He said that the Town Council did not, at any time approve of it.
So, what is the problem? If it is not allowed, its just not allowed. There was no approval, therefore, as a department citizens turn to, the Town Council should be taking effective measures. And not redirecting the case to the Mediation Centre to come up with a compromise between neighbours. I find it rather absurd. Singapore has so many sports facilities. Whats the point of building these facilities if people prefer to punch bags right at their corridors?
The neighbours came up, with an even more absurd explanation when asked why they refuse to fix the punching bags inside their unit. They said that by doing so, the noise would disturb the neighbours on the upper and lower levels. So, are we any different? We are their neighbours too. And they know it is disturbing, yet they carry on without any consideration of others.
To me, all these seem like a case of washing their hands off any disputes and therefore, pushing us from one department to another just to rid them of extra work.]
this is just the beginning. the war has begun. hehe. oh well, i'll just be patient about it, for the time being.
0 comments
erdi. last confessed at 12:52 PM
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Thursday, April 20, 2006
i just absolutely love this picture. i would auction off my dan brown collection, sell my blood, run around a fashion show in skorts (skirts with little shorts in them, SO out of fashion), appear in singapore idol as a william hung wannabe, fall on my butt on graduation day, whatever, just to take the place of that girl in that picture. and the guy would be, none other than.. the A**B...
i used to classify all men under the same category. well, i still do sometimes. but ever since i started hanging around with the 'fridays', i'm beginning to believe there are better ones around. unqualified to enter that spiteful zone of egomaniacs and chauvinist pigs. i believe everyone has an ego, even women. the only difference is, men need constant ego boosting. women don't.
i had a conversation with a dear friend the other day, after we saw a guy pulling out a chair for a lady. and no, he wasn't the waiter. he was her date. and my friend said, ' there, you see a classic example that not all men need ego boosting, and i doubt that guy is even close to that chauvinist zone of yours'.
i found no sense in what my friend said (sorry..hehe). just because a man pulled out a chair for a woman, he's not egoistic? i don't think so. pulling out a chair for a woman, shows respect. well, at least at one point of time, many centuries ago. now, when men do it, its more of,' ooo.. look at me look at me.. am i a gentleman or what!'... and its more of a point to point basis. they probably count every good thing they did. one point for each gentleman-ly act. and the higher the points, the better chance they get at getting laid.
if i was on a date with an englishmen in the 1800s, i'd probably think, 'thats sweet of him'.. try doing that to me now and i'd think, 'what a freakazoid.. no one's looking bozzo. and i have hands to pull out the chair by myself'..
because, i know for a fact that only one in a million men pull out the chairs for the lady nowadays. and out of those 'gentlemen', maybe one out of a zillion did it sincerely. or maybe, none.
if i had hitler's ability, i would send every chauvinist to a brainwashing camp. each men will be guarded by a hundred women. and he has to do the cooking, the cleaning, and everything he thinks were meant for women to do. he will definitely come out a better person. side effect, he might also turn gay. better still!
well, enough of bitching about men. well, then again, men are the reason women bitch.
MENstruation
MENopause
PMS- Putting up with Men's Shit
s i g h.