[-clandestine-] [-annotations-]

Her skin is white cloth,
and she's all sewn apart
and she has many colored pins
sticking out of her heart.

She has many different zombies
who are deeply in her trance.
She even has a zombie
who was originally from France.

But she knows she has a curse on her,
a curse she cannot win.
For if someone gets too close to her,
the pins stick farther in.

Tim Burton- The Melancholy Death of Oyster Boy and Other Stories

The simple, yet dark words of Tim Burton threw me into a childlike world of fantasies.. a different type of fantasy. A morbid one.

But i liked it. :)

0 comments erdi. last confessed at 5:40 PM
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i think i figured out a reason as to why i've been speechless lately. a midlife crisis, if you're the sort of person who has to have a label on everything. so what do i want to do? i'm in the midst of brainstorming for my exam at the very last minute (ah, for i have not changed at all!).. and it struck me when i realised everyone else was already diving into what they want to do. well, except for me, and a few others in my boat, still figuring out which way to go.

wrong timing, definitely. god help us.

in the meantime, we'll just let the waves roll over us.

0 comments erdi. last confessed at 11:25 PM
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i've always been better at expressing myself through writing, than speaking. i couldn't mumble out the words i wanted to say today. and if thats not bad enough, i don't even know where to start, even when i'm writing it down.

so, familiar stranger..
i hate not knowing..
will you spell it out?

0 comments erdi. last confessed at 5:29 AM
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so, at this point of time, i have no clue as to what to say or do.

just thought you should know.

duh.

0 comments erdi. last confessed at 5:34 PM
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if life could be as picturesque as this view.. ahh..

my cheeks are sore from 2 weeks of laughter and silly jokes. time to get serious, what with the finals just around the corner.

Slow dancing on the boulevard

In the quiet moments while the city’s still dark

Sleepwalking through the summer rain and the tired spaces

Day breaking on the boulevard

Feel the sun warming up your second hand heart

Light swimming right across your face

0 comments erdi. last confessed at 12:25 PM
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after a week of bryani n kebabs, we hunted around dubai at 10 am in the morning for some maclovin.. a super up size and a long burning walk back, we're in our rooms all sleepy from a heavy meal. sin-dubai-istanbul-dubai-sin in 8 days is not exactly a glamour job just so you know. i can't look or smell or hear about bryani anymore. i've had enough to last me a whole year..

anyway, these few days have been paradise (when i'm out of my uniform, that is). contacted old schoolmates, met new people, dodged old nightmares, etc.

lesson number 1: love needs room to breathe
experienced a relationship where all you see, and all you hear, and all you're with is that other half? insecurity is a big word, and its an even bigger problem. you can say "i am insecure" a billion times, but to me, its not an excuse. DO something about it. don't just shrug and apologise and explain that you probably did what you did because of insecurity.

lesson number 2: when the cage gets loose, the animal runs
try holding on to someone and not letting them go for 5 mins. then do the same thing, this time, for a year. you'll see the difference. when you don't give people their freedom, and one day when they find it, they'll do whatever they weren't allowed to do, even if they don't like it.

lesson number 3: trust is earned. not the other way round.
you trust the person slowly, when they can prove their sincerity to you. you don't just blindly trust and let it slip away slowly when they do something to hurt you. its tough getting it back to 100%. so, might as well start from 0 and work your way up.

lesson number 4: if i'm nice, don't expect me to be nice-r
the thing about expectations is, you always want more, and never less. if i scored 40 percent on a test, you'd expect me to do better on the next one. the more you expect, the higher the risk of being disappointed.

WOW.. i dont know where that came from. haha.

His tears
Your eyes
Thirty seconds to apologize
You give it one more chance
Just like the time before
But he already know you'd give a hundred more
Until that night in bed
You wake up in a sweat
You're racing to the door
Can't take it anymore
Life perfect
Ain't perfect
If you don't know what the struggle's for
Falling down ain't falling down
If you don't cry when you hit the floor
It's called the past cause I'm getting past
And I ain't nothing like I was before
You ought to see me now

"lesson learned" alicia keys & john mayer