The time of the year when little things tick you off because the bigger things still aren't solved yet. I hate the line I walk because I am a firm believer of "Don't bother doing it if what you're doing it for might not be worth it". That attitude of mine clashes with the fact that I am a pessimist and I don't believe that anything, or anyone for that matter, is "worth it". I fear losing. I am consumed in paranoid thoughts of losing. And I am then consumed into a world where nothing lasts because I fear losing, thus, I believe, I will lose it all one day anyway.

Its all in the psychology. When you honestly believe you will lose something, someday soon, you WILL lose it. But I would rather lose something with a pre-thought to losing it, as opposed to thinking life is all flowers and daisies, and one day when you stumble upon shyt, you don't know what to do because you weren't prepared for the worst.

I would like to wake up one day with the sun's rays shining on my face, and the smell of daisies, and a butterfly flapping its beautiful wings near my window. Everyone would. But I would also like to be prepared for the worst so when it rains, I would still remember that at least I woke up and I saw some beautiful things. I don't want to be carrying around an umbrella and a raincoat and flu tablets and get paranoid of getting caught in the rain. I want to run in the rain, soak it up, and smile.