Wednesday, January 31, 2007
twofortyone probably in dreamland, and i'm here with a pair of socks and a jacket to keep me warm, in a not-so-cold weather. i should be studying, and just as i was about to post something up, i realise, i really should be studying now.
study beckons.
missing the twofortyone.
and i swear if i hear anymore about panadols, vitamin c and the doctor, i will shoot myself in the head. ;)
0 comments
erdi. last confessed at 3:35 PM
__________
__________
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
don't ask why i look so spastic in these photos. but hey! i enjoyed myself. all taken on my beautiful saturday, and a bad haircut day.
Babel, draggy but good movie. Just me and my twofortyone.
just you and me
2 comments
erdi. last confessed at 12:48 AM
__________
__________
Monday, January 29, 2007
3 and a half hours to the preview of the day, 241. i'll be done typing in 15 mins, planning to hit the books sprawled out on the floor of the living room. someone hide the remote! i set aside about an hour of browsing through pages written by winding balding old men who just can't get to the bloody point. maybe another 30 mins deciding where to start. the thing about law texts is, you never know where the start and the end of the issue is. in their words, its all "inter-related". right. i believe its more of, 'too much to discuss, no time to organise'.
i mean, seriously, i was reading chapter 3 of one of the textbooks, and on the 2nd line, it says "refer to chapter 9 for a detailed discussion". so i turned to chapter 9, and i was furious because on the 2nd page it says "this is not important, however it is worth reading to understand chapters 5 and 6. refer to chapter 2 for a rough understanding."
they say, put aside 8 hours a day if you want to succeed. some say its exaggerating..8 hours.. bah! then again, minus the 4 hours of finally figuring out where to start after endless references, i say 8 hours is just about right.
okay, i'm left with four minutes to end this post and turn off the damn pc.
yes jojo, brilliantly brilliant. in other words, amazingly amazing. ;)
0 comments
erdi. last confessed at 1:25 PM
__________
Lazy sunday backed up by a beautiful saturday evening out with the people i love. the outdoor theatre by the waterfront displaying local, or close to local, talents mesmerised me. how many chances do you get in a lifetime to be enjoying good music, good view, good weather, snuggled up close to the people who made you, you.
it would've been perfect if mom and jo were there too.
I've been on tiptoes, trying to regain my balance from dipping my feet into that pool of commitment. fear of getting hurt was pulling me back, but that stronger feeling was asking me to jump in. last night, i had no fear left. i am a happy person.
twofortyone.
__________
Sunday, January 28, 2007
Lazy sunday backed up by a beautiful saturday evening out with the people i love. the outdoor theatre by the waterfront displaying local, or close to local, talents mesmerised me. how many chances do you get in a lifetime to be enjoying good music, good view, good weather, snuggled up close to the people who made you, you.
it would've been perfect if mom and jo were there too.
I've been on tiptoes, trying to regain my balance from dipping my feet into that pool of commitment. fear of getting hurt was pulling me back, but that stronger feeling was asking me to jump in. last night, i had no fear left. i am a happy person.
twofortyone.
4 comments
erdi. last confessed at 3:16 PM
__________
They say don't spend too much time thinking about the past.
I have been in a world of my own for the past week or so. Especially last night. I finally found the earpiece to my phone and I blocked out the world on my way to class with the sounds of Corrine Bailey Rae, Silverstein, Iced Earth, a few RnB tunes, Damien Rice, and Ephyra (ian's band). Its an awful compilation, where in one song, I'm drifting on the clouds, and the next, I'm subject to the screaming of screamo-tastic bands.
I say, don't spend too much time worrying about the future.
Music, or rather, screaming to my ears took me to familiar places. Familiar laughter, childish arguments, and what not. I thought, how foolish of me to be worrying about the future, when I have the past to smile at, the lessons learnt, the little things that made me human. The weather added to that floating mood of mine.
I guess the testimonials I received and the people I bumped into started this whole "back to erdi's world" thingy. 2007 seems to be just fine for me, with shattered pieces being glued back together. All thanks to past memories.
Reliana and I met on the first day of primary school. Now she's all married with a darling of a baby girl. When I first got back into contact with her, I kept on thinking, "How fast we all grew! yikes, in a few years, I'll be carrying a kid of my own, and meeting her for coffee where our kids will play. How about my career? I don't want to be a stay home mom. blah blah yada yada".
Now I think, "I remember the fight I had with reliana in malacca after our psle. The funny things that pissed us off. Her crush on Faris.. how faris, her and i made up our 'gang' on the very first time we all met."
These things keep me sane, and too caught up to bother about the claws of present enemies. Why run from being clawed? When all else fails, put them in a little bubble, and burst it!
__________
Saturday, January 27, 2007
They say don't spend too much time thinking about the past.
I have been in a world of my own for the past week or so. Especially last night. I finally found the earpiece to my phone and I blocked out the world on my way to class with the sounds of Corrine Bailey Rae, Silverstein, Iced Earth, a few RnB tunes, Damien Rice, and Ephyra (ian's band). Its an awful compilation, where in one song, I'm drifting on the clouds, and the next, I'm subject to the screaming of screamo-tastic bands.
I say, don't spend too much time worrying about the future.
Music, or rather, screaming to my ears took me to familiar places. Familiar laughter, childish arguments, and what not. I thought, how foolish of me to be worrying about the future, when I have the past to smile at, the lessons learnt, the little things that made me human. The weather added to that floating mood of mine.
I guess the testimonials I received and the people I bumped into started this whole "back to erdi's world" thingy. 2007 seems to be just fine for me, with shattered pieces being glued back together. All thanks to past memories.
Reliana and I met on the first day of primary school. Now she's all married with a darling of a baby girl. When I first got back into contact with her, I kept on thinking, "How fast we all grew! yikes, in a few years, I'll be carrying a kid of my own, and meeting her for coffee where our kids will play. How about my career? I don't want to be a stay home mom. blah blah yada yada".
Now I think, "I remember the fight I had with reliana in malacca after our psle. The funny things that pissed us off. Her crush on Faris.. how faris, her and i made up our 'gang' on the very first time we all met."
These things keep me sane, and too caught up to bother about the claws of present enemies. Why run from being clawed? When all else fails, put them in a little bubble, and burst it!
0 comments
erdi. last confessed at 12:36 PM
__________
family: any group of persons closely related by blood, as parents, children, uncles, aunts, and cousins.
what does the dictionary really know about close relations anyway. fana and i were talking about our family, and how people can treat their family the way they do. its quite sad really, that we have one, wishing his/her mother was dead, one treating the younger ones as a slave to his/her ill duties, one not even acknowledging his/her own child/children.
so, me definition is as such;
family: any group of persons fortunately/unfortunately related by blood, which brings about a closer connection due to certain similar traits, and due to a percentage of genetic disorders, brings about a conflict of interests.
love you, mum.
__________
Friday, January 26, 2007
family: any group of persons closely related by blood, as parents, children, uncles, aunts, and cousins.
what does the dictionary really know about close relations anyway. fana and i were talking about our family, and how people can treat their family the way they do. its quite sad really, that we have one, wishing his/her mother was dead, one treating the younger ones as a slave to his/her ill duties, one not even acknowledging his/her own child/children.
so, me definition is as such;
family: any group of persons fortunately/unfortunately related by blood, which brings about a closer connection due to certain similar traits, and due to a percentage of genetic disorders, brings about a conflict of interests.
love you, mum.
0 comments
erdi. last confessed at 4:30 PM
__________
the smell of fried eggs on a cold friday morning. i woke up to see fana all alive and hyper while i dragged my lazy feet to wash up. my dearest cousin's turning 18 in 12 and a half hours. i think she's the coolest of all the teens i know. she's immune from that teenage angst syndrome, and i hope turning 18 won't start anything.
i give Perfume an 8.5/10. beautiful plot, but the last part where thousands of people were intoxicated by the perfume and started a mass (and i mean, MASS) orgy was really too much. mucho grosso.
feels right, to say it.
__________
the smell of fried eggs on a cold friday morning. i woke up to see fana all alive and hyper while i dragged my lazy feet to wash up. my dearest cousin's turning 18 in 12 and a half hours. i think she's the coolest of all the teens i know. she's immune from that teenage angst syndrome, and i hope turning 18 won't start anything.
i give Perfume an 8.5/10. beautiful plot, but the last part where thousands of people were intoxicated by the perfume and started a mass (and i mean, MASS) orgy was really too much. mucho grosso.
feels right, to say it.
0 comments
erdi. last confessed at 11:35 AM
__________
goodnight, in my kind of weather.
my 2 forty one. :)
__________
Thursday, January 25, 2007
goodnight, in my kind of weather.
my 2 forty one. :)
0 comments
erdi. last confessed at 3:37 AM
__________
i bumped into an old friend today. Jo! listen up! i bumped into tony! yes! toh-nee!
bumping into him brought back lots of memories. back then, we had nothing to worry about. free like birds, we followed the wind. once in a while, we get lightheaded from the spinning of tony's car in a deserted area close to the sea. the smell of tyres burning, and fresh brunei air. 8 of us in a lancer. out of the 8 of us, about 5 had their own cars, but no, we all wanted to squeeze in the smallest of the 5 cars.
i can't say all 8 of us were close. some were friends of friends. then again, we were always there for each other. when fk made me drag mich to his house. when i puked on jon's neck. when tony wanted to see a girl, and dennis made us listen to his lame jokes for 2 hrs in the car while waiting. when gerald only laughs 5 mins after everyone stopped laughing and the joke was over.
when jo had to deal with the 2 boys fighting over a fishing rod.
t: my dad's in bru, my mom's in malaysia, so i'm here in spore working and earning a living
me: why? (duh, i KNOW why..but i didn't know what to say)
t: u know, i know, so yea........ (awkward silence)
trust me to come up with the nicest things to say. sheesh.
i've always thought, the old gang and i were somewhat trouble makers, making screeching noises with the wheels in the middle of the night, waking brunei up at 4 in the morning. then i looked at tony, and i remembered everyone's eyes, and i realised.. we weren't the trouble makers...
we were the troubled ones.
all from different walks of life.
all with our own shyt to deal with.
and we were there to distract each other, without even knowing it..
hello gang!
__________
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
i bumped into an old friend today. Jo! listen up! i bumped into tony! yes! toh-nee!
bumping into him brought back lots of memories. back then, we had nothing to worry about. free like birds, we followed the wind. once in a while, we get lightheaded from the spinning of tony's car in a deserted area close to the sea. the smell of tyres burning, and fresh brunei air. 8 of us in a lancer. out of the 8 of us, about 5 had their own cars, but no, we all wanted to squeeze in the smallest of the 5 cars.
i can't say all 8 of us were close. some were friends of friends. then again, we were always there for each other. when fk made me drag mich to his house. when i puked on jon's neck. when tony wanted to see a girl, and dennis made us listen to his lame jokes for 2 hrs in the car while waiting. when gerald only laughs 5 mins after everyone stopped laughing and the joke was over.
when jo had to deal with the 2 boys fighting over a fishing rod.
t: my dad's in bru, my mom's in malaysia, so i'm here in spore working and earning a living
me: why? (duh, i KNOW why..but i didn't know what to say)
t: u know, i know, so yea........ (awkward silence)
trust me to come up with the nicest things to say. sheesh.
i've always thought, the old gang and i were somewhat trouble makers, making screeching noises with the wheels in the middle of the night, waking brunei up at 4 in the morning. then i looked at tony, and i remembered everyone's eyes, and i realised.. we weren't the trouble makers...
we were the troubled ones.
all from different walks of life.
all with our own shyt to deal with.
and we were there to distract each other, without even knowing it..
hello gang!
2 comments
erdi. last confessed at 12:09 AM
__________
__________
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
happy birthday yuda!
have a good one cuz. :)
0 comments
erdi. last confessed at 1:49 PM
__________
i revolve around other people's lives, thats why i'm me. i observe the things that make people who they are, make them act the way they do, and say the things they say. its especially hard for me now, since their lives are somewhat stagnant. its nothing interesting, for them it is. for me, its just them, their halves and that 'thing' that binds them together.
so recently, i've been revolving around no one else but me. the things i say, the way i act, and what made me, me. and i don't like it one bit. i am a fake because (yes, roll your eyes) pride made me.
mayuko once said i was playing it too cool.
for eg.
i say: yo dude wassup man!
i feel: i like u! hubba hubba.
i am.... fake.
i say: i'm tired
i feel: i really need to be in my thoughts.
F A K E.
__________
i revolve around other people's lives, thats why i'm me. i observe the things that make people who they are, make them act the way they do, and say the things they say. its especially hard for me now, since their lives are somewhat stagnant. its nothing interesting, for them it is. for me, its just them, their halves and that 'thing' that binds them together.
so recently, i've been revolving around no one else but me. the things i say, the way i act, and what made me, me. and i don't like it one bit. i am a fake because (yes, roll your eyes) pride made me.
mayuko once said i was playing it too cool.
for eg.
i say: yo dude wassup man!
i feel: i like u! hubba hubba.
i am.... fake.
i say: i'm tired
i feel: i really need to be in my thoughts.
F A K E.
0 comments
erdi. last confessed at 1:48 AM
__________
__________
Sunday, January 21, 2007
happy advanced 18th, my beautiful. it was just a while ago when we were learning to cycle and came home with bruises after you suggested we land on the soft patch of what you thought was just a bush, without knowing there was a huge drain beneath the comfy looking greens.
how time flies my love! i remember afternoons after school with you was what i looked forward to. basketball after lunch. trading archie comics. karaoke. tekken. cycling. dinner. midnight gossips. i don't remember us watching tv or doing our own thing back then. it was always "us".
now we're all grown up. when you talk to me about love, i smile. it was only a blink of an eye, from the time i found out about your first childhood sweetheart. back then, we didnt know what love was. to us, it was an annoying feeling, ditch the boys, us girls have better things to do, that was us. joshua used to have to keep up with us when we played bball. he's all grown up as well.. the thought of him brings a lil voice to my head.. "anna bananaaaaaaa"!
happy 18th my dearest fana.. love ya!
0 comments
erdi. last confessed at 5:19 PM
__________
07 seems to be quite promising for me.
i realised, all these time, i thought, i need to get it all right before my life starts. a new place to stay, a great job, etc. i forgot that THIS is life. life doesn't wait for me to get on my feet. things i've achieved in the first 3 weeks of 07..
1) quit alcohol
2) played the electric guitar for the first time
3) played the bass for the first time
4) jumped
and it just gets better.
you electrify my life
__________
07 seems to be quite promising for me.
i realised, all these time, i thought, i need to get it all right before my life starts. a new place to stay, a great job, etc. i forgot that THIS is life. life doesn't wait for me to get on my feet. things i've achieved in the first 3 weeks of 07..
1) quit alcohol
2) played the electric guitar for the first time
3) played the bass for the first time
4) jumped
and it just gets better.
you electrify my life
0 comments
erdi. last confessed at 1:06 AM
__________
c'mon liverpool!
__________
Saturday, January 20, 2007
c'mon liverpool!
0 comments
erdi. last confessed at 4:22 PM
__________
Starlight
I will be chasing the starlight
Until the end of my life
I don't know if it's worth it anymore
My life
You electrify my life
Let's conspire to ignite
All the souls that would die just to feel alive
Fell in love with the song the first time I heard it with Charmaine.
I went for a jamming session at a studio with bob and scat. Uber cool! We played the song I wrote, it sounded especially great with bob's drums and scat's bass.
I lost myself in the midst of all the music, especially when I held that electric guitar for the first time. But the best part of that session was when I switched to bass. Guess I found a new love, and guess you know what to get me on my birthday mom! hehe.
I held my breath as I played with the strings of the bass. The rhythm distracted me from what was in my head. The thought of what was to come later in the evening gave me chills, and i closed my eyes as I went in with the beat of the drums. I smiled and the evening turned out well.
Its taking a toll on me.
You're taking a toll on me.
__________
Friday, January 19, 2007
Starlight
I will be chasing the starlight
Until the end of my life
I don't know if it's worth it anymore
My life
You electrify my life
Let's conspire to ignite
All the souls that would die just to feel alive
Fell in love with the song the first time I heard it with Charmaine.
I went for a jamming session at a studio with bob and scat. Uber cool! We played the song I wrote, it sounded especially great with bob's drums and scat's bass.
I lost myself in the midst of all the music, especially when I held that electric guitar for the first time. But the best part of that session was when I switched to bass. Guess I found a new love, and guess you know what to get me on my birthday mom! hehe.
I held my breath as I played with the strings of the bass. The rhythm distracted me from what was in my head. The thought of what was to come later in the evening gave me chills, and i closed my eyes as I went in with the beat of the drums. I smiled and the evening turned out well.
Its taking a toll on me.
You're taking a toll on me.
0 comments
erdi. last confessed at 5:56 PM
__________
__________
Pics of KL and Cameron Highlands!
0 comments
erdi. last confessed at 11:50 AM
__________
the thing about having a big group of friends/family is that you can't really talk about anything personal to any of them. words... they go around, big time!
thats why i miss my darling jo, and her balcony of dreams and secrets sworn to be kept on that little balcony and nowhere else. it was a silent agreement that we ONLY share secrets on that balcony, and that they were to be kept there, and only there. then again, that bottle of gin probably played its part. drink, get tipsy, tell secrets without realising it, get drunk, forget secrets. next balcony gathering, drink, get tipsy, remember past secrets, tell more secrets, get drunk and forget all secrets again.
i was watching a comedy in which A told B something. B wishes to keep A's secret, but she also wished to help A in some way. So A spilled it, because if B doesn't say something, B will be stuck in that position for the rest of her pathetic life.
i guess what i'm really trying to say is, when you're sworn to secrecy, let it be. if you let out an inkling of whats not supposed to be said, then i guess its gonna help in some way, but it would come from you, and the result (good or bad) wouldn't be as satisfying for the person who told you whatever her secret was.
B earned the pride that made A.
__________
the thing about having a big group of friends/family is that you can't really talk about anything personal to any of them. words... they go around, big time!
thats why i miss my darling jo, and her balcony of dreams and secrets sworn to be kept on that little balcony and nowhere else. it was a silent agreement that we ONLY share secrets on that balcony, and that they were to be kept there, and only there. then again, that bottle of gin probably played its part. drink, get tipsy, tell secrets without realising it, get drunk, forget secrets. next balcony gathering, drink, get tipsy, remember past secrets, tell more secrets, get drunk and forget all secrets again.
i was watching a comedy in which A told B something. B wishes to keep A's secret, but she also wished to help A in some way. So A spilled it, because if B doesn't say something, B will be stuck in that position for the rest of her pathetic life.
i guess what i'm really trying to say is, when you're sworn to secrecy, let it be. if you let out an inkling of whats not supposed to be said, then i guess its gonna help in some way, but it would come from you, and the result (good or bad) wouldn't be as satisfying for the person who told you whatever her secret was.
B earned the pride that made A.
1 comments
erdi. last confessed at 12:06 AM
__________
There's are moments in your life -- like the first time you rode a bike without training wheels, the first time you dove off a high diving board, or maybe the first day of your first job -- when you had to push past the fear or intimidation to get something you knew you had earned, and knew you were ready for. This leap of faith is exhilarating, and it changes your life forever. Seek out that frightening, intimidating leap today -- and jump. -Libra, 18 Jan 2007
I guess the horoscope reading came 2 days late. If i read it in the early hours of the 16th, i'd have that extra boost of confidence.
All I had, on the edge of the emergency door of that airplane was bani's voice in my head "yes, you NEED the paddings on your swimsuit. then again, what if you jump, and then you see one of the boob pads floating on the water or worse still! what if the water pushes it to the middle of your chest and you'd look like you had misplaced boobs!", and as weird as it sounds, it helped me through the test, and i jumped.
__________
Thursday, January 18, 2007
There's are moments in your life -- like the first time you rode a bike without training wheels, the first time you dove off a high diving board, or maybe the first day of your first job -- when you had to push past the fear or intimidation to get something you knew you had earned, and knew you were ready for. This leap of faith is exhilarating, and it changes your life forever. Seek out that frightening, intimidating leap today -- and jump. -Libra, 18 Jan 2007
I guess the horoscope reading came 2 days late. If i read it in the early hours of the 16th, i'd have that extra boost of confidence.
All I had, on the edge of the emergency door of that airplane was bani's voice in my head "yes, you NEED the paddings on your swimsuit. then again, what if you jump, and then you see one of the boob pads floating on the water or worse still! what if the water pushes it to the middle of your chest and you'd look like you had misplaced boobs!", and as weird as it sounds, it helped me through the test, and i jumped.
0 comments
erdi. last confessed at 11:09 AM
__________
I was sleeping peacefully when A sms-ed asking if we could talk. I ignored his sms since, 1) I had nothing to say to him and 2) It was 4 in the morning, you mad or what?
Interruption at 4am aside, I came online when I got up and decided to ask him what he wanted to talk about.. which of course led to a whole new argument.
I was rude, but you deserved it A. And besides, I was already nice enough to even bother asking you what you wanted. How pathetic can you be? You can even ask if its ok with me if you emailed me about whats been happening in your life so far. Did you ever think for a second that I would be interested in your "boohoos"? And you say Sophie is not smart, thats why you can't talk to her about your life. How about your friends? Go talk to them A. Like I said, the only thing that I need in a bond with anyone, friends, family, etc, is Trust. You've misused it A. So, be gone! I don't have time to think of second chances. You had it, you misused it, the end. So don't be all nice to me because it won't work.
You speak words of wisdom. But you're fake A. You hold your head high, why? Because you're a top student? Because you have a comfy rank? All those things, it doesn't even matter to me. You have a huge ego, and that, I despise. You think you're better than anyone else? You think I can't find anyone better than you. Truth be told, you were the worst of all I've ever dated. I dont even know why I'm wasting my time blogging about you.
And how dare you talk about my life as if you know me well. You have no right A. Its the same as if I were to tell you, You turned out to be just like your father A. How would you like that?
You don't choose who you can or cannot talk to, A. Its whether a person wants to be there to listen. I don't, so buzz off. Go look for your friends. Why? They're not smart enough for you?
I've blocked you from my life, unfortunately you have my number, and my textbooks. If I don't get it by the 18th, I am going to where your mom works.
Pathetic.
__________
Monday, January 15, 2007
I was sleeping peacefully when A sms-ed asking if we could talk. I ignored his sms since, 1) I had nothing to say to him and 2) It was 4 in the morning, you mad or what?
Interruption at 4am aside, I came online when I got up and decided to ask him what he wanted to talk about.. which of course led to a whole new argument.
I was rude, but you deserved it A. And besides, I was already nice enough to even bother asking you what you wanted. How pathetic can you be? You can even ask if its ok with me if you emailed me about whats been happening in your life so far. Did you ever think for a second that I would be interested in your "boohoos"? And you say Sophie is not smart, thats why you can't talk to her about your life. How about your friends? Go talk to them A. Like I said, the only thing that I need in a bond with anyone, friends, family, etc, is Trust. You've misused it A. So, be gone! I don't have time to think of second chances. You had it, you misused it, the end. So don't be all nice to me because it won't work.
You speak words of wisdom. But you're fake A. You hold your head high, why? Because you're a top student? Because you have a comfy rank? All those things, it doesn't even matter to me. You have a huge ego, and that, I despise. You think you're better than anyone else? You think I can't find anyone better than you. Truth be told, you were the worst of all I've ever dated. I dont even know why I'm wasting my time blogging about you.
And how dare you talk about my life as if you know me well. You have no right A. Its the same as if I were to tell you, You turned out to be just like your father A. How would you like that?
You don't choose who you can or cannot talk to, A. Its whether a person wants to be there to listen. I don't, so buzz off. Go look for your friends. Why? They're not smart enough for you?
I've blocked you from my life, unfortunately you have my number, and my textbooks. If I don't get it by the 18th, I am going to where your mom works.
Pathetic.
0 comments
erdi. last confessed at 3:25 PM
__________
went to wrench, well, physically. mentally, i was in a world of my own and i don't know why. its weird, you try to be there, but your thoughts are in faraway land. watched reruns of joan of arcadia. the part where adam came clean about sleeping with someone else. i've always seen joan and adam as my favourite tv couple. kept my hopes high of having someone like him. then the damn directors decided, Hey Adam should sleep with someone else! as much as i know its all just a show, it does portray reality, and it crashed those hopes of mine.
i thought i had something to believe in.
million dollar question: Do I still believe in that "THING" called love.
ask me again after val's day. i'd probably come up with something crude. its a sick day, girls showing off flowers, guys showing off girls AND the flowers they bought, and to me, its like any other day, except, its more depressing. i can see only one thing that really happens on vals day. couples getting laid. with the convenience of hourly-rate hotels, expect a baby boom end of this year.
happy fucking.
goodnight.
__________
went to wrench, well, physically. mentally, i was in a world of my own and i don't know why. its weird, you try to be there, but your thoughts are in faraway land. watched reruns of joan of arcadia. the part where adam came clean about sleeping with someone else. i've always seen joan and adam as my favourite tv couple. kept my hopes high of having someone like him. then the damn directors decided, Hey Adam should sleep with someone else! as much as i know its all just a show, it does portray reality, and it crashed those hopes of mine.
i thought i had something to believe in.
million dollar question: Do I still believe in that "THING" called love.
ask me again after val's day. i'd probably come up with something crude. its a sick day, girls showing off flowers, guys showing off girls AND the flowers they bought, and to me, its like any other day, except, its more depressing. i can see only one thing that really happens on vals day. couples getting laid. with the convenience of hourly-rate hotels, expect a baby boom end of this year.
happy fucking.
goodnight.
0 comments
erdi. last confessed at 2:32 AM
__________
__________
Sunday, January 14, 2007
cringing to the sounds of people singing english songs with funny accents,
"ohh bay-beh i rurve you so!"
and the smell of durians, courtesy of a couple of bengs who decided,
"peanuts? lets bring durians instead!"
guess the crowd got to me in a way that i started sitting like an ah-pek in a coffeeshop.
i'm bored. i need to go book shopping. i've been looking for "One More Day" by Mitch Albom.. seems to me its sold out almost everywhere. yikes.
alrighty then. time for a nap. sigh.
0 comments
erdi. last confessed at 6:12 PM
__________
atul says i'm oblivious to the fact that certain people might want to be more than friends.
yikes.
i'll just sit here till the sun rises and try to study gestures, etc.
that was me, wasted, watching Oprah.
i'm glad to say, i've quit alcohol, for real. kudos to the new me! thank u thank u!! haha.
i met up with the girls for a night out.. charmaine, eleen and sophie (haha!), and ironically, charmaine, eleen and i found out that all 3 of us quit at the same time without knowing it! charm's dad was quite happy to hear that, considering the number of times he had to make sure we were all ok. now, WE have to get HIM to stop drinking.
ok, its time to start pondering now.
goodnight peeps.
feeling a little lovesick. atul! come home and we'll light that strawberry scented candle and we'll talk and have some tea. stock up on the smokes! and, no, i'm not gonna tell him. hehe, come back! i'm missing you cuz!
__________
atul says i'm oblivious to the fact that certain people might want to be more than friends.
yikes.
i'll just sit here till the sun rises and try to study gestures, etc.
that was me, wasted, watching Oprah.
i'm glad to say, i've quit alcohol, for real. kudos to the new me! thank u thank u!! haha.
i met up with the girls for a night out.. charmaine, eleen and sophie (haha!), and ironically, charmaine, eleen and i found out that all 3 of us quit at the same time without knowing it! charm's dad was quite happy to hear that, considering the number of times he had to make sure we were all ok. now, WE have to get HIM to stop drinking.
ok, its time to start pondering now.
goodnight peeps.
feeling a little lovesick. atul! come home and we'll light that strawberry scented candle and we'll talk and have some tea. stock up on the smokes! and, no, i'm not gonna tell him. hehe, come back! i'm missing you cuz!
0 comments
erdi. last confessed at 2:59 AM
__________
Take my photo off the wall
If it just won't sing for you
Cause all that's left has gone away
And there's nothing there for you to prove
Oh, look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone
Oh well, it seems likes such fun
Until you lose what you had won
Give me back my point of view
Cause I just can't think for you
I can hardly hear you say
What should I do, well you choose- Jet, "Look what you've done"
I have come across one too many insecure people, including myself. But I've never come across someone insecure to the very core. Its sad to see a friend fall into the damned pit of his own world and it seems to me, he's not even going to try getting out of it, because he prefers it there. What am I going to do about it? nothing. Its going to make it worse if for pity's sake, I go down the pit with him and guide him, for he never listens. Besides, adversity is the best education.
Go figure.
__________
Saturday, January 13, 2007
Take my photo off the wall
If it just won't sing for you
Cause all that's left has gone away
And there's nothing there for you to prove
Oh, look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone
Oh well, it seems likes such fun
Until you lose what you had won
Give me back my point of view
Cause I just can't think for you
I can hardly hear you say
What should I do, well you choose- Jet, "Look what you've done"
I have come across one too many insecure people, including myself. But I've never come across someone insecure to the very core. Its sad to see a friend fall into the damned pit of his own world and it seems to me, he's not even going to try getting out of it, because he prefers it there. What am I going to do about it? nothing. Its going to make it worse if for pity's sake, I go down the pit with him and guide him, for he never listens. Besides, adversity is the best education.
Go figure.
0 comments
erdi. last confessed at 8:15 PM
__________
__________
i've been home since wednesday night, cold weather breeds lazy bums, namely myself.
started getting info from my aunt about our family race. i've always known we were rojak, and i use the easy way out when asked about my race. "malay and chinese". easiest.
the following is based purely on my mom's side of the family, so by posting this, i really hope i won't have to go into detail about my race again.
my great grandfather is indo-chinese, his wife an indon as well, with an arab background. that means my grandfather is indon-chin-rab. haha.
my granny, however, was adopted by a malay family from trengganu. she's originally japanese-dutch.
which means, my mom, my 4 aunts and 3 uncles are indon-chin-rab-jap-utch.
god knows what the race is like on my dad's side of the family.
honestly speaking, i don't really want to know. anyway, i posted a pic of half the family (this was in bru, so the other half were in s'pore) during raya. its rather obvious some of us weren't ready, and the ones who were, were squashed in the back (no clues for guessing who). thats mummy in green and the weird hair. hehe sorry mom! for some reason, we all looked really tanned and tired in the pic. must be the pre-raya 'bunga api' session we had.. i think uncle jo n the boys bought hundreds of dollars worth of fireworks, which was, in my opinion, definitely worth it.
i miss raya already. looking forward to cny as well. so i can get a year's supply of cuttlefish. random.
0 comments
erdi. last confessed at 12:08 AM
__________
wild horses,
i'll be free,
i saw you sleeping,
take me with you
falling clovers,
believe in miracles,
but not in empty words,
breathe
and when wine fills me with melancholy
when fallen angels fail
when i see the world through a darker shade
i'll dream of a better place -erdiana
i wrote a new song, and those will be the lyrics to it. its not finished though. anyway i have a thousand and one things to do, but the rain just won't stop. bah!
__________
Friday, January 12, 2007
wild horses,
i'll be free,
i saw you sleeping,
take me with you
falling clovers,
believe in miracles,
but not in empty words,
breathe
and when wine fills me with melancholy
when fallen angels fail
when i see the world through a darker shade
i'll dream of a better place -erdiana
i wrote a new song, and those will be the lyrics to it. its not finished though. anyway i have a thousand and one things to do, but the rain just won't stop. bah!
0 comments
erdi. last confessed at 2:11 PM
__________
alright people, time to listen up. i have mentioned this before and i'm going to elaborate on it again before i am forced to enter your name into my "annoying-people" book.
msn..
guys, the status function is there for a reason. unless someone died, be patient and wait. please understand that when my, or whoever's status is busy, it means we're.. B U S Y.
as much as that annoying notice sound doesn't come out when we're busy, but when we're trying to concentrate on eg. an important email, that blinking light is a major distraction. here's a scenario of how some people can be extremely ignorant and clueless..
anonymous: so..???
erdi (BUSY): huh. wait, reading mail k.
anonymous: oh ok....
anonymous: do tell me soon ya
anonymous: abt that thing i asked u just now
anonymous: hehe
------------1 minute later-------------
anonymous: ??
anonymous: nana?
erdi (BUSY): dude, hang on k
anonymous: ok
anonymous: take ur time
anonymous: how was ur day anyway
anonymous: anyway, i gtg.
------------2 minutes later------------
phone rings
erdi: hello
anonymous: hey!!! what you up to?
erdi: hey, i'm busy, remember??
anonymous: oh ok.......
------------1 minute later----------------
sms
anonymous: heya! u gona be online till what time later?
--------------------------------------------
yes! thats what i went through the whole of today. i would appreciate it if msn comes up with a new version filled with more kinds of status.
for eg.
(Busy, are you blind?)
(Away, from you)
(Out to lunch, or so you think)
(automatic delete for anyone who clicks on me)
don't get offended. i am speaking in general (with a slight deviation towards a couple of annoy-ers). i, the annoyee, am truly annoyed.
grr!
__________
Thursday, January 11, 2007
alright people, time to listen up. i have mentioned this before and i'm going to elaborate on it again before i am forced to enter your name into my "annoying-people" book.
msn..
guys, the status function is there for a reason. unless someone died, be patient and wait. please understand that when my, or whoever's status is busy, it means we're.. B U S Y.
as much as that annoying notice sound doesn't come out when we're busy, but when we're trying to concentrate on eg. an important email, that blinking light is a major distraction. here's a scenario of how some people can be extremely ignorant and clueless..
anonymous: so..???
erdi (BUSY): huh. wait, reading mail k.
anonymous: oh ok....
anonymous: do tell me soon ya
anonymous: abt that thing i asked u just now
anonymous: hehe
------------1 minute later-------------
anonymous: ??
anonymous: nana?
erdi (BUSY): dude, hang on k
anonymous: ok
anonymous: take ur time
anonymous: how was ur day anyway
anonymous: anyway, i gtg.
------------2 minutes later------------
phone rings
erdi: hello
anonymous: hey!!! what you up to?
erdi: hey, i'm busy, remember??
anonymous: oh ok.......
------------1 minute later----------------
sms
anonymous: heya! u gona be online till what time later?
--------------------------------------------
yes! thats what i went through the whole of today. i would appreciate it if msn comes up with a new version filled with more kinds of status.
for eg.
(Away, from you)
(Out to lunch, or so you think)
(automatic delete for anyone who clicks on me)
don't get offended. i am speaking in general (with a slight deviation towards a couple of annoy-ers). i, the annoyee, am truly annoyed.
grr!
0 comments
erdi. last confessed at 11:17 PM
__________
looks more like i overdosed on that bottle of detergent i use as a makeshift door stopper.
its an extremely sleepy day today, my study day. for now, i'll just be online for a while more, listening to the soothing sounds of lisa stansfield, interrupted by the "hai-ya!! go, go go!" of my cousin's new ps game, some shaolin temple thingy.
anyway, its study time!
till i think of something!
__________
looks more like i overdosed on that bottle of detergent i use as a makeshift door stopper.
its an extremely sleepy day today, my study day. for now, i'll just be online for a while more, listening to the soothing sounds of lisa stansfield, interrupted by the "hai-ya!! go, go go!" of my cousin's new ps game, some shaolin temple thingy.
anyway, its study time!
till i think of something!
0 comments
erdi. last confessed at 2:45 PM
__________
pride made me
i left without a trace
still i hurt and yet i held my head high
trials i face and i learn to be strong
yet i stare at the sad sunset
and i feel, i do
when its too much
i smile and say i'm just alright
when i'm going insane inside
i will hide those tears
carve a smile on that little mask
because pride made me
i forgot who i am
the more i carve
the more i hide
the uglier i feel
pride made me
__________
Monday, January 08, 2007
pride made me
i left without a trace
still i hurt and yet i held my head high
trials i face and i learn to be strong
yet i stare at the sad sunset
and i feel, i do
when its too much
i smile and say i'm just alright
when i'm going insane inside
i will hide those tears
carve a smile on that little mask
because pride made me
i forgot who i am
the more i carve
the more i hide
the uglier i feel
pride made me
0 comments
erdi. last confessed at 11:56 PM
__________
half of that dream worked its way to reality. i can't say i'm too happy about it. there are things i have to worry about, for example, if it would affect my studies. then again, if i achieve making the whole dream come true, my mind would be at rest from pondering too much on how to better improve my current standing, thus putting in more effort in my education.
with that said, i do want to thank those who gave me the support and motivation. thanks to you mom (i promise i'll continue my studies if i get in), aunt yanny (for telling me to go all out and some other stuff which should be kept secret), aunt norma (for being more excited in the interview than i was), yy (who started all this flying thing and then refused to go in the end), shalin and eewei (i owe u guys a bintan trip if i get in, our long lost trip, since my paralegal days), sufian (for sms-ing me at 7-59 this morning to wish me luck), wan (for telling me i'd be ok), charmaine and nic (for calling me throughout my interview to get tips so they can score tomorrow), atul (for helping me get through the rush this morning) and of course, my interview kakis, bang riez and weineng (for hanging out with me so i wont be too lonely), and kt! (for sending me home). hehe.
nana! you think what! award ceremony meh?!
haha, ok i shall go rest for a while before i meet THE homies. haha.
__________
Saturday, January 06, 2007
half of that dream worked its way to reality. i can't say i'm too happy about it. there are things i have to worry about, for example, if it would affect my studies. then again, if i achieve making the whole dream come true, my mind would be at rest from pondering too much on how to better improve my current standing, thus putting in more effort in my education.
with that said, i do want to thank those who gave me the support and motivation. thanks to you mom (i promise i'll continue my studies if i get in), aunt yanny (for telling me to go all out and some other stuff which should be kept secret), aunt norma (for being more excited in the interview than i was), yy (who started all this flying thing and then refused to go in the end), shalin and eewei (i owe u guys a bintan trip if i get in, our long lost trip, since my paralegal days), sufian (for sms-ing me at 7-59 this morning to wish me luck), wan (for telling me i'd be ok), charmaine and nic (for calling me throughout my interview to get tips so they can score tomorrow), atul (for helping me get through the rush this morning) and of course, my interview kakis, bang riez and weineng (for hanging out with me so i wont be too lonely), and kt! (for sending me home). hehe.
nana! you think what! award ceremony meh?!
haha, ok i shall go rest for a while before i meet THE homies. haha.
0 comments
erdi. last confessed at 8:53 PM
__________
pictures from the eve of 07.
my homies were on duty along the central streets (ok, i suck at this lingo)
yy n josh were patrolling the streets, which was a bummer. i was out with the blood bros, and don't ask me why we took pics with christmas trees on new years eve. we were probably the most sober bunch walking out of rouge.
anyway, tomorrow is the day. will i fly, or will i have to stay behind?
more updates tomorrow...
__________
Friday, January 05, 2007
pictures from the eve of 07.
my homies were on duty along the central streets (ok, i suck at this lingo)
yy n josh were patrolling the streets, which was a bummer. i was out with the blood bros, and don't ask me why we took pics with christmas trees on new years eve. we were probably the most sober bunch walking out of rouge.
anyway, tomorrow is the day. will i fly, or will i have to stay behind?
more updates tomorrow...