Sunday, August 27, 2006
eulogy
August has come and as its last days poured down and left me cold, i felt the warmth, as if you cried and i swam in a river of your tears.
I can hear the Beachboys, and Oasis, as I relive the days when you were around.
You were sculpted to be an almost perfect being, your career, your humor, your sensitivity. But you left, and laced me with doubt. Do i respect you?
You made her light up, yet, she was the other woman.
What am I to make of you?
But we miss you, we do.
Rain on me, it takes me a step closer to getting over you.
Rain on her, she needs a step closer to you, make her the woman she was when you were around.
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erdi. last confessed at 6:07 PM
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sad.. our parents never really had the time to bring us to the zoo when we were younger.
hehe. kidding.
pics for you to see on a chill out sunday and wonder why you gave birth to me mom!
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sad.. our parents never really had the time to bring us to the zoo when we were younger.
hehe. kidding.
pics for you to see on a chill out sunday and wonder why you gave birth to me mom!
0 comments
erdi. last confessed at 1:41 PM
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since we all finally took a formal photo with no bunny fingers or tongues sticking out into someone else's ear, i shall introduce the gang..
(with all the knowledge i have of them)
on the left, the tall dark handsome ISAAC. his favourite colour is green. he has a deep voice, and he's in the air force school. men in uniform. i like! he has a strong willpower. a man, of serious integrity. he fights the battle deep within him, and the strongest part of it is, he doesn't let it show. whats in him, is whats in him. your opening line to him to get him interested is, "Nice car dude".
in the centre, we have RIEZ!!! he's my all time favourite friend. don't be fooled by his fierce outlook. PUII.. ahha.. lets see, he jumps at the sight of cockroaches. he's changed in terms of mentality. and i'm proud of him. but the thing that hasn't changed since i met him (he talks about it every single time we're all out), is his marriage ceremony fantasy. he's as good as a friend can get. he's always there for all of us, partly due to the fact that he probably really has nothing to do. Opening line if you're interested "So, what do you think of a military theme wedding". (beware, he can go on all day).
that chinese dude with the green and black polo, is none other than CHUA KHIM TECK! he's as blur as a munjen can get. (kidding la kt). he used to be so quiet and shy, but now, he annoys the hell out of everyone around him. he likes to go online and say 'yo................ any plans tonight?'. i think, secretly, he wants to be black. if you think he's familiar, well, he did something good for nanyang poly (he n his team developed a software for playing monopoly on mobile phones..i think.. or was it scrabble...) and his face was on a huge poster in nyp. not very appealing kt. hehe. he likes manly girls and that got me doubting his sexuality. haha. happy belated dude! Opening line: "Been to Disneyland?"
on the far right, sits ADIAN! a fellow libran, we can connect well. he's just as indecisive as i am. we talk about life, life's lessons, life's lessons to be learnt, life's lessons to be learnt but how some refuse not to learn. A sensitive, open, yet conservative guy. Opening line: "How's life?"
and the wolverine standing at the back is IZAT! he's working in relc, which means, he'll be the first in singapore to get my results when it comes back from london. he looks fierce, but he's just a confused mix in between being wolverine and care bears. he talks sense, but not in a serious manner. he has the ability to knock someone awake by mentioning things in a joking manner. Opening line: "What do you exactly do in relc?"
So, when i'm down with fever and all the next time round and have all the time in the world, i'll introduce another group. The Fridays.
thoughts of A beckons.
cheers.
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Friday, August 25, 2006
since we all finally took a formal photo with no bunny fingers or tongues sticking out into someone else's ear, i shall introduce the gang..
(with all the knowledge i have of them)
on the left, the tall dark handsome ISAAC. his favourite colour is green. he has a deep voice, and he's in the air force school. men in uniform. i like! he has a strong willpower. a man, of serious integrity. he fights the battle deep within him, and the strongest part of it is, he doesn't let it show. whats in him, is whats in him. your opening line to him to get him interested is, "Nice car dude".
in the centre, we have RIEZ!!! he's my all time favourite friend. don't be fooled by his fierce outlook. PUII.. ahha.. lets see, he jumps at the sight of cockroaches. he's changed in terms of mentality. and i'm proud of him. but the thing that hasn't changed since i met him (he talks about it every single time we're all out), is his marriage ceremony fantasy. he's as good as a friend can get. he's always there for all of us, partly due to the fact that he probably really has nothing to do. Opening line if you're interested "So, what do you think of a military theme wedding". (beware, he can go on all day).
that chinese dude with the green and black polo, is none other than CHUA KHIM TECK! he's as blur as a munjen can get. (kidding la kt). he used to be so quiet and shy, but now, he annoys the hell out of everyone around him. he likes to go online and say 'yo................ any plans tonight?'. i think, secretly, he wants to be black. if you think he's familiar, well, he did something good for nanyang poly (he n his team developed a software for playing monopoly on mobile phones..i think.. or was it scrabble...) and his face was on a huge poster in nyp. not very appealing kt. hehe. he likes manly girls and that got me doubting his sexuality. haha. happy belated dude! Opening line: "Been to Disneyland?"
on the far right, sits ADIAN! a fellow libran, we can connect well. he's just as indecisive as i am. we talk about life, life's lessons, life's lessons to be learnt, life's lessons to be learnt but how some refuse not to learn. A sensitive, open, yet conservative guy. Opening line: "How's life?"
and the wolverine standing at the back is IZAT! he's working in relc, which means, he'll be the first in singapore to get my results when it comes back from london. he looks fierce, but he's just a confused mix in between being wolverine and care bears. he talks sense, but not in a serious manner. he has the ability to knock someone awake by mentioning things in a joking manner. Opening line: "What do you exactly do in relc?"
So, when i'm down with fever and all the next time round and have all the time in the world, i'll introduce another group. The Fridays.
thoughts of A beckons.
cheers.
1 comments
erdi. last confessed at 10:06 AM
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whats this thing about people claiming they should be respected, when they have no respectable qualities at all?
stop being a kid. you want respect, you run along and earn it. and no, when you earn it, it doesn't mean your girl gets it as well. she has to earn it by herself. so i stand to my decision even if it means losing a good friendship. grow up.
and whats this thing about people saying their loved ones were never there for them?
we reach our hands out to you, its your choice if you want to accept it, or if you dont. or do you also expect us to crawl to you and give you what you need. play your part. its like praying to god to give you a better chance in life. but just cos u prayed doesnt mean you're going to get it. you have to do something, anything, but sit around and wonder why life sucks for you. get a grip. and yes, i'm still here for you, even if you're so sceptical to it all.
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Wednesday, August 23, 2006
whats this thing about people claiming they should be respected, when they have no respectable qualities at all?
stop being a kid. you want respect, you run along and earn it. and no, when you earn it, it doesn't mean your girl gets it as well. she has to earn it by herself. so i stand to my decision even if it means losing a good friendship. grow up.
and whats this thing about people saying their loved ones were never there for them?
we reach our hands out to you, its your choice if you want to accept it, or if you dont. or do you also expect us to crawl to you and give you what you need. play your part. its like praying to god to give you a better chance in life. but just cos u prayed doesnt mean you're going to get it. you have to do something, anything, but sit around and wonder why life sucks for you. get a grip. and yes, i'm still here for you, even if you're so sceptical to it all.
0 comments
erdi. last confessed at 7:18 PM
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So save me I'm waiting
I'm needing, hear me pleading
And soothe me, improve me
I'm grieving, I'm barely believing now
When you are flying around and around the world
And I'm lying alonely
I know there's something sacred and free reserved
And received by me only -semisonic, secret smile
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Tuesday, August 22, 2006
So save me I'm waiting
I'm needing, hear me pleading
And soothe me, improve me
I'm grieving, I'm barely believing now
When you are flying around and around the world
And I'm lying alonely
I know there's something sacred and free reserved
And received by me only -semisonic, secret smile
0 comments
erdi. last confessed at 9:05 PM
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expectations are but the very thing that belittles the very essence of who you are, who you thought was satisfying enough.
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Thursday, August 17, 2006
expectations are but the very thing that belittles the very essence of who you are, who you thought was satisfying enough.
0 comments
erdi. last confessed at 9:51 PM
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The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it. Resist it, and your soul grows sick with longing for the things it has forbidden to itself, with desire for what its monstrous laws have made monstrous and unlawful. - The Picture of Dorian Gray, Oscar Wilde
I find myself breathing in the life of the words written by the infamous Oscar Wilde. And i feel ashamed, because i am breathing in the words of the character of Lord Henry. Why, i wonder, do people quote Dorian Gray and not Lord Henry? Dorian Gray, to me, is nothing but a vulnerable idiot. Was it the mass appeal that made Oscar name the book after a good guy? Would the book have been too 'critical' if it was based solely on Lord Henry?
Then again, i thought, we are all vulnerable creatures. Dorian is just a representation, and to that, i bow to Oscar.
Lord Henry is the inner voice in me, Dorian.
Theory vs Gut feeling, i remember having this talk with yy when he was quite intoxicated at one of the pubs along the beach. I guess that night, the whole lot of us were either on one side, or the other.
Then i thought about it (after my daily chats with andy).. it is the gut feeling that is the input, and you have to find someone to analyse it, then u get a theoretical output. haha.
so i have found someone, to help analyse things, be it on the dot,...or way out of line (hehe). thanks andy!
and to the boys.. yes, i am not a heartless bitch after all! if i knew it'd only take tears in the movie theatre, i would have pretended to shed some a long time ago for the sake of 'having a heart'. you people kill me! seriously.
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Thursday, August 10, 2006
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it. Resist it, and your soul grows sick with longing for the things it has forbidden to itself, with desire for what its monstrous laws have made monstrous and unlawful. - The Picture of Dorian Gray, Oscar Wilde
I find myself breathing in the life of the words written by the infamous Oscar Wilde. And i feel ashamed, because i am breathing in the words of the character of Lord Henry. Why, i wonder, do people quote Dorian Gray and not Lord Henry? Dorian Gray, to me, is nothing but a vulnerable idiot. Was it the mass appeal that made Oscar name the book after a good guy? Would the book have been too 'critical' if it was based solely on Lord Henry?
Then again, i thought, we are all vulnerable creatures. Dorian is just a representation, and to that, i bow to Oscar.
Lord Henry is the inner voice in me, Dorian.
Theory vs Gut feeling, i remember having this talk with yy when he was quite intoxicated at one of the pubs along the beach. I guess that night, the whole lot of us were either on one side, or the other.
Then i thought about it (after my daily chats with andy).. it is the gut feeling that is the input, and you have to find someone to analyse it, then u get a theoretical output. haha.
so i have found someone, to help analyse things, be it on the dot,...or way out of line (hehe). thanks andy!
and to the boys.. yes, i am not a heartless bitch after all! if i knew it'd only take tears in the movie theatre, i would have pretended to shed some a long time ago for the sake of 'having a heart'. you people kill me! seriously.
0 comments
erdi. last confessed at 9:24 PM
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u may say i'm a dreamer, but i'm not the only one.
i've been thinking of moving somewhere else. i think i've had enough of busy streets and chaotic movements. singapore has turned into a mini china. and i was talking to a cab driver last night of the foreigners in singapore and how their population is almost as equal as ours. if there happened to be a war, then we're all dead, he said. true. but thats not the reason i'm thinking of moving.
i guess my life has been a mix of brunei and singapore. and that has made my thinking turn dual. the conservative me, and the kiasu me.
i would like to be in uk, or somewhere far, where i can start life anew, and build myself up. my own blood and sweat. then again, these are just dreams.
do take into consideration the following, which i entered in my diary 4 years ago:-
earn 10k and above a month by the age of 20 (i'm turning 21 now and 10k is still a long way to wait)
furnish myself with a bmw (i don't even have my driving license yet. i drive without it when i get the chance)
graduate with a first class honours (i think i didnt do well, but wait 2 yrs.. and i MIGHT have a 1st class)
have my own penthouse, no rentals, buy with cash before 23 (i wish..even if i win the big sweep, a million is not enough)
yup, thats singapore. the land of which dreams are only dreams. but its my country after all. and dreams are a source of motivation.
happy birthday singapore.
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Wednesday, August 09, 2006
u may say i'm a dreamer, but i'm not the only one.
i've been thinking of moving somewhere else. i think i've had enough of busy streets and chaotic movements. singapore has turned into a mini china. and i was talking to a cab driver last night of the foreigners in singapore and how their population is almost as equal as ours. if there happened to be a war, then we're all dead, he said. true. but thats not the reason i'm thinking of moving.
i guess my life has been a mix of brunei and singapore. and that has made my thinking turn dual. the conservative me, and the kiasu me.
i would like to be in uk, or somewhere far, where i can start life anew, and build myself up. my own blood and sweat. then again, these are just dreams.
do take into consideration the following, which i entered in my diary 4 years ago:-
earn 10k and above a month by the age of 20 (i'm turning 21 now and 10k is still a long way to wait)
furnish myself with a bmw (i don't even have my driving license yet. i drive without it when i get the chance)
graduate with a first class honours (i think i didnt do well, but wait 2 yrs.. and i MIGHT have a 1st class)
have my own penthouse, no rentals, buy with cash before 23 (i wish..even if i win the big sweep, a million is not enough)
yup, thats singapore. the land of which dreams are only dreams. but its my country after all. and dreams are a source of motivation.
happy birthday singapore.
1 comments
erdi. last confessed at 11:07 AM
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the big divide
you and i
i used to breathe you
now i won't look
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Saturday, August 05, 2006
the big divide
you and i
i used to breathe you
now i won't look
0 comments
erdi. last confessed at 1:45 PM
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Thursday, August 03, 2006
i miss the days when my face would look all puffy from too much sleep, and that clueless feeling of what i would want to do with my life.
<---------------------------
now that i know, its come to a standstill. if you read my earlier posts on my earlier blogs, i mentioned once that i fear the time when i finally know what i want to do, and get bored of it afterwards.
i kind of stamped a little spot for myself in singapore now, but at times, i feel i want to leave for another country. life is so short. i dream of being a writer, travel to secluded resorts, sit under a tree with my laptop, and write away.
dream on, i tell myself.
i'm stuck in a depressing office (i can't see my colleagues. the files pile up so high, i feel its reaching the skies faster than the speed of light). i waste 9 hours a day, 5 days a week, working for someone else's benefit. so what if i get that increment? i'll live to my dying day, realising i worked hard for material advantages. there's no satisfaction working in an office. i guess thats why the bus is packed with people on the verge of killing each other.
i guess i managed to get that thought off my head for about a week, until raj came along. born and bred in the uk, he decided he should wander off for a trip around the world (or rather, a quarter of the world) before he starts uni.. alone. and i try not to think of 'losing it' in this country, yet again, he would tell me stories of different realms, the good stuff... and he has this habit of indulging in his own experiences, especially when i'm in the midst of drafting out affidavits in the office.
i'd turn to him, and smile. and respond, just for the sake of having a decent conversation. but in my head, it really is 'ok. u can stop now. erm, maybe shutting up would help. RAJ! i might have to lock you in the wine cellar if you carry on.'
but it does, in a way, colour up the life in the office. the more he talks, the more i dream, the more my mind wanders, and the faster time flies.
THANKS!!!